People say that when you’re ready to settle down, you’ll just know, but that’s far too plain and simple for some of us (myself included) to grasp. We need symptoms, a sign, or ideally a list that we can check before making such an enormous decision as bringing our ‘freedom’ to the ultimate halt.

It just so happens that at this moment in time I am very, very much in love, and find myself speculating as to whether it’s my age (26) or whether it’s because I’ve (fortuitously) found the right one for me, that is providing me with a feeling that’s kicking me in the ovaries and got me to thinking about bridesmaid colour schemes.

They say that women consider marriage with every guy they date, whereas guys will only consider marriage when they feel ready, even if it’s with a girl who they don’t deem to be ‘the one’. I reckon that guys choose to settle when they have come to terms with the fact that their youth is over, their friends are all already settled and so realise it’s time to accept that the ‘party’ is over and get married. Women, however, settle when they have ceased dating the vast array of men who are completely wrong for them, i.e. football hooligans, drug addicts, the homeless and rock star wannabes. When they start dating a ‘normal’ guy who checks 8 out of 10 of their ‘husband-material’ boxes (the last 2 boxes will get their check - post-nagging), then a woman is ready to settle.

So if you find yourself in a cul-de-sac of commitment, and are perhaps thinking you might be ready to settle down, how can you be sure that your feelings of wanting to settle aren’t just a passing phase, and there’s an alleyway out of the cul-de-sac?

If at this point you decide to trust your instincts and settle down once and for all, how can you be sure that it’s the right decision? And how can you guarantee that the day after your wedding you won’t meet someone who is even more perfect for you? My gut instinct is telling me that my boyfriend is the one for me, but at the back of my mind I’m remembering that these are the same gut instincts that told me to walk across the slippery ‘death’ log that crossed the river at the back of my house when I was 12. My gut instincts served me a broken leg that time, so how can I trust them this time?

If it’s too risky to trust our guts when it comes to putting such vital things as our hearts, freedom and uterus’ in jeopardy, it would be far safer if we could have some assistance to ensure whether it’s the real thing, and therefore the right and safe time to settle. So before you put a ring on that finger, check the list…

You’re ready to settle down when…

1. You stop thinking of babies as a threat, and instead consider them a blessing.

**2. You regularly read City Weekend’s Parents & Kids supplement despite the fact you’re a single, childless expat.**

3. You’re satisfied to stay at home on Saturday night, snuggling and watching a dodgy Romantic Comedy.

4. You have an overwhelming urge to wear jewellery. Namely rings.

5. You’re losing your once vibrant and youthful looks, and concerned that if you don’t get hitched soon you’ll be mistaken for mother/father of the bride on your wedding photos.

6. You’ve begun to find things attractive in members of the opposite sex that you never used to, such as family-sized cars and the ability to sew.

7. The word “forever” doesn’t scare you anymore.

8. You’ve tried everything you want to try.

9. You can actually hear your biological clock ticking. And it’s becoming louder by the day.

10. He/She is not only your boyfriend/girlfriend, but also your best friend.