Its funny how when we’re on the inside of a relationship, we have trouble remembering what life was like before that person became such a massive part of it. It can be difficult to see clearly when you’re so in love you feel like it’s going to last forever. However, outside of my own relationship, the world of love appears so much clearer. In fact, I pride myself on being able to put the right kind of spin on any relationship issue to make my friends feel like their love life is still very much in their control.

However, when it comes to advising my friends on the relationships they have while living in Beijing, some new policies need to be taken into consideration. It’s true that every relationship is unique, but how can you best advise your friend so that they don’t get hurt when you haven’t yet got this person’s game plan figured out？In Beijing are we playing by a whole new set of rules? If so, how can we best ensure that our friends and ourselves don’t waste months of our Beijing lives broken hearted?

Here’s how best to target your affection in the safest direction…

The foolish follow the familiar
One might fool themselves into thinking that if they only target people from their own country of origin, they may escape the chances of getting hurt. Although it may seem like a flawless plan, it is most definitely not foolproof. As a Brit, and as any other Brit can testify, we are prone to something I’m going to call, ‘Brits abroad syndrome’. Meaning that we may be all prim and proper when we are in our home town doing out very conservative bank job, but send us to a different country, or even a different area code and our behavior will automatically switch to ‘holiday mode’ - which means that you can expect anything from mere bar crawling to football hooliganism from the most unlikely of characters. Assuming that all other nationalities also suffer from their own version of ‘Brits abroad’, we have a dating scene akin to One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. Don’t be fooled by the girl/boy next door lookalike, because chances are they’ve just been swinging around a pole in Chocolate and throwing up outside the Kokomo. Most definitely not girl/boy next door behaviour.

Can you trust a person who wears glasses?
Scientific studies have proved that people are more likely to trust someone if they are wearing glasses and a scarf. Why? Perhaps because if they’re wearing glasses and a scarf on a night out, let alone in the middle of Beijing summer, people are more liable to think of them as unlikely to have bedded many people, let alone broken any hearts. In my experience, this is not so. Koreans in Beijing set the benchmark that many nationalities in Beijing have imitated, by wearing fake glasses to make a fashion statement rather than improve their chances of being considered trustworthy. Therefore judging a person by their geeky-looking accessories is no longer a valid measure of trustworthiness.

Are locals a delicacy?
What is (detestably) known to many foreigners in Beijing as ‘yellow fever.’ has picked up a sordid reputation that conjures up ugly old foreign men picking up lovely looking local girls and having, needless to say, an even ‘lovelier’ time reliving their youth and frolicking around the city with them. However, hidden beneath the sordidness and cliché are a bunch of young, attractive mixed race couples who are serious and very into each other. However, in a city where you can seemingly buy love, how can you tell whether you have a hero or a villain in your hands? The key is to not rush things. Get to know them, slowly and surely before you make any rash decisions. If they get impatient after a few dates, or seem eager to rush things to the next level, you’ll know whether they’re in it for the long haul or are checking in for the short stay.

Keyser Soze!
I have friends who have a generic type of person they will always go for. I have a girl friend that will only date German guys with blonde hair and blue eyes (say no more), I also have a guy friend who only dates girls over 5 feet 7 and has the ability to “make peoples heads turn when she enters a room, without being too conspicuous”. My girl friend has had her heart broken more times than Britney Spears, and my guy friend has never had a serious girlfriend. So what I’m trying to say is that instead of convincing yourself that you’re only attracted to certain types is significantly going to limit your chances of finding a happy and fulfilling relationship. If you steer away from the usual suspects once in a while, and take a chance on someone would never usually give a second glance you may find something amazing! My boyfriend had never dated a white girl before in his life. He said they just weren’t his type. Then, 10 months ago, along came me!

Significantly alter your chances of finding a hero rather than a villain in under a minute! 1. Don’t fall for the familiarity of the same nationality.
2. Don’t necessarily trust someone because they’re wearing glasses.
3. For foreigner/local dating, consider whether your date is being to pushy/forward.
4. Don’t limit yourself to a certain type!

Nikki Aaron