We all have secrets... You know those secrets that you don’t even want to tell your best friend or maybe don’t even like to admit to yourself… but should they be buried and forgotten about, or shared and discussed?

When we think about our past, most of us cringe with embarrassment, disgust or shock. Doesn’t it sometimes feel like those things you once did were done by another you? What possessed you to have that erratic fling with the barman in Europe? However did your number of previous sexual partners become so big?! So you’ve been engaged 2 or 3 times, but should these be things that you share with your current lover?

My friend told me that she wants to tell her boyfriend everything about her, including details about her past relationships, sexual experimentation and experiences. Am I being completely blind, because I fail to see how this is a good idea?! Yes, honesty is the best policy in most cases, but I think that when it comes to relationships, exes are best left where they live; in the past.

I told my boyfriend right from the start, “I don’t want to know about your other girls. I don’t even want to think about other women with you. I’d much prefer to live in ignorance to this information, thank you very much.” And he has obliged and kept his baozi hole shut, most obediently. My reasons for saying this are because I’ve had my fingers burnt before. I made the mistake of knowing far too much about a boyfriend’s love life before I came onto the scene, and it did nothing but torment me. From the moment her name was mentioned, I was fervent on knowing more about this girl that had preceded me;
was she prettier than me?
Was she more intelligent?
Did she make him laugh like I make him laugh?
Did they have pet names for each other?
Had he behaved differently with her to how he does with me?
Why had they split up?
Who had initiated the break up?
Why? How? When? Who?! It’s a vicious infatuation with endless questions. And no, you’re not a mentalist because of it; you just made the colossal mistake of opening the ex-files.

You see, the more information you learn about your bf/gf’s sexual history, the more it’ll hound you…My friend, however, would argue, “can you really relax and settle into your relationship until you know this kind of stuff about them?” Which gets me to thinking…what if he has slept with half of Beijing and I don’t know it?…What if he has been engaged before? Or engaged numerous times before…? What if his last girlfriend was some kind of super hot lingerie model？What if he’s not fully over her yet…?!

And the vicious cycle begins…

Nikki Aaron