Last week we celebrated China’s Singles’ Day, but was anyone out there actually going “woo hoo, I’m ruddy single!” Ok, I know nobody says “ruddy” anymore, but you’re missing the point – the point being, the only people who celebrate being single are those who have just come out of nasty, no good relationships. Even then, there’s a period of mourning. You see, people are creatures of habit. When our routine changes there is an inevitable period of confusion and stress before you get back ‘on track’ - ‘on track’ meaning settled into your new routine.

I realize I may be offending billions of single people by saying this (alright, so billions may be over ambitious), but I’ve always believed we are all happier people when in relationships… (short pause while you turn to your friend and say, “What a loser!”) …..Are you done? Good. Now I’ll tell you that the reason why I always thought this was because I, myself, was in a relationship at the time. I preferred being part of a couple, however sucky it was, because I was so used to being somebody’s girlfriend that I was unwilling to entertain the idea of changing that. It’s not that I was scared of losing a ‘special bond’; it’s just because I was lazy. I couldn’t be bothered to go through the transition from being part of a couple into a single again.

However, for around the past 6 months I’ve been as single as a skunk, and you know what? I have never been happier. I’ve come to appreciate what Paul Weller sang about - the tranquility of solitude. There’s something quite special about being solo; I feel as though I have rediscovered the wonder that is…well alright, seeing as you’re asking, the wonder that is me. So much so, that the thought of delving into another serious relationship sounds about as appealing as a long walk off a short plank.

So now I am a fully-fledged singleton, I’m starting to wonder what the world has been moaning about. What’s so awful about being single? I’m not sad, lonely, and consuming vast amounts of ice cream; I’m happier, busier than ever, and…well, the ice cream part was actually true.

However, I’m no fool. I know that before long I will be submerged in a new relationship and advocating that all single people who say they’re really happy are deluded. Ahh how fickle the mind that belongs to a human heart! But for now, let us contemplate the superior state; to be single, or not to be single…THAT is the question.

Singletons of the world Unite

Billions of dollars have been made cashing in on training singles to believe that not being in a relationship is some kind of failing. Damn Bridget Jones, to heck with Michael Bolton, and Disney…why you little… Singles everywhere, give me an imaginary Mexican wave, as we remember what Mae West said, “I’m single because I was born that way.”

+ Clarity
In the first throes of a new relationship, your mind becomes foggy and priorities mixed. You no longer see things clearly; you’re fixated on your new love, you start missing appointments with friends, and your work suffers. It’s kind of like being an alcoholic but less messy. Being single and mist-free, means that you are able to start appreciating reality again; you start socializing more and remembering important dates. Much alike the sober person, a singleton is the superior friend, son or daughter, and employee.

+ Career Boost

Single people are without a doubt the most productive people on the planet. If it weren’t deemed as discrimination, I would start my own company and only hire employees that were single. The minute they became attached, they would be fired (not shot, just let go). Have you ever noticed how much more work you get done when you’re single? It makes sense that the world’s biggest geeks, who in adolescence never had the option of a relationship (hello, Bill Gates), ended up with the most successful careers. If you want a promotion at work, the solution is to get a divorce. It may not be shrewd advice, but it would no doubt work.

+ Freedom!
We have so many deadlines, rules, compromising and limits in life, isn’t it nice to not have to worry about disappointing people in your spare time too? Days of languid, uncensored laziness are one of life’s luxuries. Do, wear, watch, see, and play with (ahem) whatever you want.

+ Excitement & Anticipation
Relationships are nice, but after a while they lose their ‘wow' factor, and life can become as structured and predictable as the Beijing weather forecast. Being single means that everyday is an adventure; you never know who might sweep you off your feet and where the day will lead. Somebody once said that life is disrupted by routine, if that’s true then there’s a fine line between relationships enhancing our lives and simply dragging us down.

It Takes Two, Baby

When I ponder the benefits of being in a relationship, the first thing that springs to mind is being able to warm up cold feet against someone else’s back in bed. What can I say…I’m quite bendy. Of course, that’s not considered to be a bonus to everybody – least of all the person with the plates of meat on their back…

+ Intimacy

You can’t put a price on the feeling of being so comfortable with another person that you feel like you could tell them about the time you wet your pants when you were 14 years old. We all desire the kind of intimacy we see in the relationships of our grandparents – someone to care for you when you’re sick, to finish your sentences when you forget things, and someone with whom you will weather the storm. Research has shown that getting married could lengthen your life by up to 17 years! But its not anything to do with combating loneliness, its more to do with having that person in your life who you don’t mind telling such things as “darling, my hemorrhoids are playing up,” and them being willing to rub cream on them for you.

+ Support

Even the most grounded and stable of people sometimes start to lean. And when we’re leaning, we need someone there to prop us up. There will come a time in our lives when friends will be too busy changing nappies, and your parents will be off traveling the world spending your inheritance, and you’ll need someone to turn to. Being in a good relationship means you have the ultimate teammate to turn to for support when things go pear shaped.

+ Growth

I don’t mean that you’ll start sprouting while you’re in a relationship…then again, it depends what sort of character you get yourself involved with. But what I really mean is, every person we meet will affect us and change us in some way. We can’t choose the people who come into our lives, but we can choose which ones we’d like to make a regular feature. We subconsciously choose our partners based on how they can enhance our lives. We ultimately want someone who we can learn from, grow with, and develop personally. As Alex Lickerman, M.D. put it, “marriage is (…) an excellent proving ground for challenging ourselves and strengthening our inner state through the acquisition of wisdom.”

+ Sharing

I’ve learned that an experience is rarely worth experiencing unless you have someone to share it with. Why do you think social networking sites like weibo and facebook are so popular? It’s because we love nothing more than turning to someone and saying, “look what I just saw, great huh?”, or hinting for attention by posting something lame like “I’m sad today” (groan).

When you’re in a relationship, you have someone to share everything with; whether it is good times, bad times, funny times, or weird times. And living in China, there are many, many weird times that just aren’t worth experiencing unless you have sometime to turn around to and say, “what on earth was thaaaat?!”

Conclusion

The greatest success we can have is to live life happily and contentedly. The question is, whether you are more likely to attain these things through being single or being in a relationship.

While relationships cannot ensure a fulfilled and happy existence, they can help us learn more about ourselves. As Carl Jung said, “everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Although I haven’t had that many relationships (really), I could write a book on the number of things I have learned through the guys I’ve been involved with, and the mistakes I’m determined not to repeat in the future.

The early years of our lives are spent growing, developing and adapting, which is why we are more likely to go through several relationships, learning from each along the way. Only when we have a better understanding of ourselves will we be able to commit to the one person who is the ideal candidate to nurture us throughout the rest of our lives. As someone once said, “true love is like a pair of socks; you gotta have two, and they gotta match”.

But there’s nothing wrong with being decidedly single; Monks seek enlightenment through solitude, and psychologists say that spending time alone is essential for gaining a better understanding of real needs and goals. But this time alone should be appreciated rather than spent hankering over the relationship you don’t have.

Choosing a life of solitude, however, is rarely the key to ultimate happiness. Research has found that “the better we feel in the social network of others in our life, the happier we are. With poor or nonexistent relationships we cannot flourish.” Happiness and contentment therefore do not depend on whether you are single or attached, but rather on the people you choose to spend your time with. Therapist Daniel Tomasulo says, “Some people make us feel good when we’re around them. I encourage you to foster, nourish and cultivate these relationships. Spend more time with those that make you feel good, and less with those who don’t.”

Whether you’re in a relationship or not does not determine whether you are a happier and more contented person. What determines your happiness is recognizing your needs at different intervals of your life, and finding the best person around to satisfy them. And sometimes the best person to do that job is you.