My friends have often marveled at my peculiar taste in men. Even as a teen, instead of practicing my snogging technique on a poster of Nick from the Backstreet Boys, I would be daydreaming of Lister from Red Dwarf. By my late teens, when my friends were chasing football players and boys with cars, I had developed a thing for men with long hair. The longer the better, the scruffier the sexier, and don’t even get me started on dreadlocks. This is a period that my friends affectionately tagged my ‘Yeti phase’. As time went on, my taste developed, however even today a man with long hair will still turn my head. Just weeks after my graduation, I found myself in China, and waist deep in Chinese men (no pun intended). The Asian men served as a fitting replacement for my ‘yeti’s’…they differed from what society deemed conventionally attractive…and to me they represented adventure, rebellion, and a whole new escape from the status quo.

But why is it that I have been attracted to these types? Why do any of us have a particular weakness for a type of person? Well, it all comes down to psychology and the instincts of our inner cave dweller.

What people fail to recognize is that falling in love is actually quite a rational process. Movies and romance novels would have us believe in destiny, love at first sight, and soul mates; however the real reason why we are more inclined to open our hearts to one person and not the next, is determined by what they can offer us.

In the book How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, Leil Lowndes discusses the ‘What’s in it for me’ principle of love. She writes, “*Lovers unconsciously calculate the other person’s comparable worth, the cost-benefit ratio of the relationship, the hidden costs, the maintenance fee, and the assumed depreciation.*”

The ‘what’s in it for me’ principle can also account for why your taste changes with age. As a studious teen, for me, longhaired men signified rebellion and adventure. It’s also an attraction that may have stemmed from a childhood crush on John Lennon (the Yoko years).

By the time I had arrived in China and discovered Chinese men, I was more mature and eager to explore the world beyond hairy-headed men. Chinese men were just another aspect of my quest to uncover China (again, no pun intended). As Aron et al. (2006) found, relationships that provide opportunities for one partner to grow are deemed rewarding. Therefore many people are attracted to a partner who is competent in a novel skill. For me, Chinese men were the key to a new language, culture, and belief system; therefore they held an irresistible appeal to my thirst of adventure and knowledge.

And it’s not just me; we all have a subconscious check list that we run through whenever we meet a potential mate. Whether we decide we’re attracted to this person all depends on whether they fit our needs at that particular time, and ‘tick the right boxes’.
So I’ve taken the liberty of conducting a little bit of research to find out more about why people are attracted to particular types.

The Chinese woman

You know her
She’s the petite little creature that pulls adorable baby faces and has her boyfriend wrapped around her dainty little finger. With her puppy dog pout, she can melt any man and coerce him into buying her expensive handbags and miniature dogs to put in them.

Why you fancy her
If you can peel your eyes away from your Chinese girl for a minute, you’ll see that you’re not the first man in China to be lured by the charms of the Chinese woman, and you certainly won’t be the last. Take a look around; the streets are filled with giant western men and their pint-sized princesses. So what is it that the men find so irresistible? Well, studies have found that women who have baby-like facial features, with a small jaw, small nose, large eyes, and defined cheekbones, are considered more attractive to men, cross-culturally.
Her dainty features, as well as her slim waist-to-hip ratio and long hair, are indicators of femininity and fertility. All in all, the Chinese woman is a tidy little package that awakens a man’s inner caveman. Chinese women are also generally smaller in stature in comparison to women of other cultures, therefore, to the inner caveman, she is not only perceived as fertile, but also more subservient. Chinese women are perceived as an ideal partner, who will stay in the cave with the cavebabies while the man goes outside to hit rabbits with his club.

What it says about you

Well firstly, as we’ve discovered, its not just you who fancies Chinese women, it’s a global thing that comes down to your primitive instincts to create mini-you’s. However, in this day and age, choosing a partner has become more complex; it no longer comes down to finding a female who will make a good oven to store your buns while you go and discover fire. Today’s men take into consideration things such as compatible personality, values, and beliefs. Therefore, as a westerner, your attraction to Chinese women may be short-lived. Research has found that ultimately we will commit to a person who is similar to ourselves. As Leil Lowndes revealed, “similarity makes us feel good because it confirms the choices we have spent our whole lives making.” As a result, people usually end up marrying a person closer to home then they’d think. In what social scientists call residential propinquity, one study tells us the average distance a person finds his future spouse is within just five blocks of his home.

The ‘Real’ Man

You know him
He plays rugby and he fights. He’s got cuts on his hands but he’s far too burly and manly to notice. He can fix things around the house, catch spiders, and then pick you up and throw you on the bed. Phwoar! What a man!

Why you fancy him
Again, the lady doth not stand alone! Women are instinctively drawn to men who demonstrate signs of being good providers.

A poll of 2,500 women showed that almost two thirds of women would prefer to be with a naturally hairy man, while 56 per cent like a guy with a little bit of stubble over someone who is clean shaven or has a full beard. Women also prefer a guy who doesn't spend too much time on his appearance, with 63 per cent saying they would like a man who got ready quickly rather than fussing over what he looked like.

What it says about you
It would seem that if you’re attracted to a ‘real’ man, you are showing signs of sexual maturity and are seeking out a mate who can fulfill the role of ‘hubby’ in your life. Either that, or you just really need your apartment painting, and you don’t want to pay for a decorator. The Metrosexual man, who spent hours in front of the mirror styling his quiff, was nothing but a passing train (pun intended). When women are ready to commit, they need a man who isn’t going to hog the bathroom and will eat their cooking no matter how bad it is.

The Younger Woman

You know her
She likes to party, she likes to shop, and she smiles a lot… She seems a lot more positive and carefree then the women your own age. Oh yeah, she has certain perky body parts that also appeal.

Why you fancy her

It’s hardly surprising that men are drawn to the younger woman. The media has drummed into us the perception that women aged between 18 and 24 are in their sexual prime, and thanks to Baywatch and Hugh Heffner, men really have been brainwashed into taking this as gospel.

But it’s not just the west - when it comes to picking a woman, men worldwide prefer younger women. In studies of 37 different cultures males have shown they prefer women lesser in age (0.38 years in Finland to 6.45 in Nigeria).
Studies have also shown that men are more likely to use physical attractiveness as a factor for considering marriage. Physical features a majority of men associate with youth are smooth skin, good muscle tone, long healthy hair, and full lips – all of which are universal determinations of beauty. From an evolutionary standpoint, men are attracted to young, fertile women because they have a much higher chance of producing a healthy child and being able to care for that child until it is able to survive and live on it's own.

However there are also arguments that older men are attracted to the naivity of the younger woman. Self professed ‘older man-younger woman’ expert, Hugo Schwyzer, believes that what appeals to older men is the “difficult-to-deny reality that younger women lack the experience and wisdom to call their older lovers on their bullshit.”

What it says about you
So yet again, your inner caveman, who is particularly shallow by the way, is the reason why you’re drawn to these pretty young things. While this may work well for you now, again this is probably just a phase.
The younger woman can serve many uses; she can offer escapism, excitement, and fun, as well as that much needed ego boost as a man enters middle age and feels the need to reaffirm his virility. Her lack of maturity, however, can also have its downsides; she will depend on you for support, and be more inclined to stray as she matures and develops her own opinions.

The Older guy

You know him
He’s older, brooding, and graying a little – but it only makes him look more distinguished. There’s an air of sophistication and worldliness about him, he no longer has that young man attitude problem, and no longer has a Transformers bedspread.

Why you fancy him
Women are more likely to identify qualities such as dependability, ambition, and career-orientation as important in seeking a mate, and these are qualities that are generally found in the more ‘settled’ older man. Interestingly enough, research has found that women indicate a desire for mates older than they are in marriage, from 2.26 years older for Great Britain to 5.10 years in Iran. Seeing as men tend to mature at a slower rate than that of women, opting for a male partner a few years older could be a shrewd plan.

Of course, if you’re attracted to the much older guys, you may have entered the realm of ‘daddy issues’. ‘Daddy issues’ is a slang term for the Electra complex – which was pioneered by psychiatrist Carl Jung. According to Jung’s findings, women prosper better in their lives if they had positive male input from a father figure during their childhood. Without that, girls may express daddy issues later in life in seeking out father figures. It may sound icky, but this is largely undisputed by experts in psychology. The reason why you are drawn to an older man is because you subconsciously want him to serve a need that was not adequately fulfilled in your childhood. You may be attracted to him because he represents security and reassurance – something that you lacked as a child.

What it says about you
Just because you have an older man in your life, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have issues with your father. However, you should examine how and if your behaviour changes when you’re around your silver-haired fox. Clinginess, attention-seeking, and sexual aggressiveness may be signs that you’re subconsciously using this guy to work through your own issues.