At some point in all of our lives there’s a high chance that we will fall in love with what my grandma would call, a “wrong’un”. We’ve all been there, there’s no telling whether it’ll happen again, and though you may not want to admit it, some of us may still be involved with one.

Love can have a blinding effect on our rationality, and sometimes, when we’ve put our all into a relationship, it can be easier to live in denial rather than to accept that our relationships are not quite When Harry Met Sally perfect. As somebody once said, ‘Relationships are like fat people; they rarely work out’, but nevertheless we continue to gamble our hearts in the hope that the next time there will be a fairytale happy ending.

As any foreigner living in China will know, starting over in a whole new, not to mention weird, place will turn your life inside out. Suddenly the security blanket of everything you know and trust has been taken away, leaving you vulnerable and alienated. For some of us, being thrust into such a situation is extraordinarily character building and exciting, yet from time to time, unbearably lonely, scary, and frustrating.

As these foreigners forage to replace the pieces of their lives, they become more susceptible and willing to accept things they wouldn’t usually stand for when it comes to everything from quality, business style, friends, and relationships.

Living in China, we have the opportunity to mix with and date people of various nationalities and cultures. However, dating outside our predestined status quo can be littered with landmines. Different cultures, backgrounds and nationalities can be used as an excuse to mask any number of sins. I once had a Chinese boyfriend who punished me for a week because I asked him to buy water for our apartment. If he had been a western guy, I would’ve packed his bags and sent him on his way. However, because he was Chinese, I somehow (still can’t quite understand why), blamed myself. I figured it must be my fault for not being more sensitive to his expectations and culture. After all, I was in his country, how could I be so thoughtless as to go around demanding he buy us water? You’ll be pleased to know that the heroine of the story, i.e. naïve little me, finally broke free and came to realize what a nasty piece of work he was.

Following ‘water-gate’, I realized I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had of listened to the deafening alarm bell going off in my head, gone and bought the water myself and swiftly poured it over his horrible head. Ahh yes, hindsight is always twenty-twenty.

So for future reference, I have made a list of the kinds of people I will be avoiding having relationships with. They may sound obvious, but just like a pair of fake Ugg boots from Xiushui market, we have a canny knack of fooling ourselves and others into thinking they’re the real McCoy, even after 6 months when the poor quality is becoming obvious and they’re starting to hurt. Oscar Wilde once said, “how can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her like a perfectly normal human being.” Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that some people, regardless of how great they seem at first, are simply unworthy of our time and attention.

Lethal Lover #1: The Gold Digger
Why they’re no good:
If you’re a nice person, and I’m sure you are, you will have probably overlooked the fact that you’ve paid for a majority of the bills since you’ve been together. This doesn’t mean that you’re dating a “wrong’un” and you should get rid; I know plenty of people who prefer their money to stay firmly in their pockets and they’re still nice people. But the question is, which do they like more: Their money or you?

How to recognize them:
I have male friends who have girlfriends who’ve demanded to see copies of their bank statements. If this has happened to you and it hasn’t already brought you to the realization that the person you’re dating is with you for more than your cute bum, then you may want to find the nearest wall and bang your head against it. If this fails to knock some sense into you, you can cement your suspicions by trying out one of the following home made ‘gold digger detector tests’:
1. Take him/her somewhere cheap for dinner and see if she/he is annoyed at the lack of gold chopsticks and diamond encrusted toothpicks.
2. Casually mention how you are in severe debt, and have no savings in the bank…then pause for their reaction.

3.Jump into Houhai Lake with a wad of cash, and wait to see which one they save first.

Lethal Lover #2: The Commitment Phobic
Why they’re bad:
I refuse, REFUSE, to believe that some people are simply afraid of commitment. If you ask me, people are only afraid to commit to someone they’re just not that into. If a person you are head over heels in love with asks you to move in with him/her, get engaged, or (shock horror) change your facebook status (gasp)…you wouldn’t hesitate in happily doing so. A quote worth remembering is, “If you're only an option rather than a priority then get out of the relationship.” Ayyyy-men!

How to recognize them:

Of course there are the major tell tale signs, like they avoid talking about the future, they shudder when you tell them you love them (and not in a good way), they avoid telling their friends and family about you, and wash their hands in bleach after touching you. But there are also the smaller clues…Such as they refuse to change their facebook / weibo relationship status (yes, it does matter), they look uncomfortable watching romantic movies with you, and they find it hard to make eye contact when they tell you they love you.

Lethal Lover #3: The Taker
Why they’re bad:

Long-term relationships go through different phases, and your role in the relationship will shift between being the giver and the taker as life scatters its inevitable highs and lows along your path. Being in a good relationship should feel like being part of the A-team; just when you need help and support, your Mr. T has got your back, and the same goes for the other way round. If you find that you are the only one doing the giving and supporting in your ‘team’, then you may as well be solo. If you’re going to put up with being with a Taker, you may as well be a doormat. And the only time being a doormat is funny is when a person called Matt turns up to a fancy dress party dressed as a door.

How to recognize them:
The Takers don’t do compromise. Whatever they want, they get – this could include who gets the final say in choosing where to have dinner, who always seems to have the most fun in the bedroom, to who decides on what movie to watch.
There are two options available to you; you could live with being taken for granted, or perform a miraculous life upgrade by finding a new relationship in which you get the love and respect that you deserve.
Psychologists have found that the roots of our giver tendencies come from our childhood, so if you want to know how a man or woman will treat you in your relationship, observe their relationship with their parents. If you’re with a guy or girl who constantly demands and takes from his / her parents, it gives you an idea of how you will be treated in throughout your relationship.

If you’re lacking in parent resources, you can try what Dr Joseph M Carver, PhD calls the 'Waitress Test’. Carver says that “the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months.” Genius!

Lethal Lover #4: The Attitude Problem
Why they’re bad:

A person shrouded in negative energy is only going to do one thing in your life; bring you down. Life can be hard enough without having a partner akin to Churchill’s black dog on your shoulder. Though you may try to rationalize it with ‘they’re under a lot of stress at work’ or ‘they’re not feeling well’, one day you’ll come to realize that you can’t remember the last time they were in a good mood. If this person isn’t all smiles and rainbows because they have you in their life, then they absolutely 100% do not deserve you at all. Am I right or am I right?

How to recognize them:

Either it’s a severe case of dandruff, or they have a colossal chip on their shoulder. Their normal facial expression is a frown. You’ve learned swear words from them that you never knew existed before. This person is a negative ball of energy, and there’s not enough lovin’, presents, or snuggles that can remove that gargantuan chip. Liken your lover’s chip to Indiana Jones and the big ball. With a chip that size, there’s only one thing you should do, and that is RUN.

Lethal Lover #5: The Liar
Why they’re bad:
Apart from the standard white lies, i.e. “I caught a fish and it was this big”, “ohh I love my present”, and “No, officer… I have no idea how fast I was going”, there is never a good reason to lie. So when we come across a person who tells lies for no good nor obvious reason, we have a borderline sociopath on our hands. As one particularly articulate person once put it, “a lie is a lie is a, well, it’s a lie.” Granted, it could have also been a person with a speech impediment, but we’ll overlook that. The point is that regardless of whether they’re lying about doing the housework, having a crafty cigarette, or having murdered 5 people and hidden them under the patio, this is a person who is capable and willing to be dishonest to you – and you are supposed to be their soul mate..?

How to recognize them:

Unless you’re dating a guy called Pinocchio, being able to tell whether someone is lying to you takes a smidgen more skill and practice. However, little do you know that most of you will already be tuned into whether your significant other is fibbing or not, simply because you know him/her so well. The problem is that many of us are so determined not to let anything ruin our ‘great’ relationship, that we choose to ignore these little warning signs, and therefore go along with their not so believable stories about how they invented the paperclip. Don’t they know that Father Christmas doesn’t come to people who tell fibs?