Making it through the day: February Edition
When an otherwise non-masochistic writer takes up the post of blogger columnist at City Weekend, he is wont to encounter a number of unforeseen indignities. From the often-hilarious claims of douchiness from the That’s Beijing’s forums to the photographic proof of that douchiness courtesy of City Weekend’s own photographers , the writer quickly discovers his sad place at the bottom of the city-magazine barrel (While being a nightlife editor is worth it’s share of free libations, blogger columnists can’t even get past the “free tour” online).
Added to this is the ease with which someone writing about the Internet in China runs into sensitive issues. While I have slipped in references to 2girls1cup (not to mention countless acrostic ruses telling young children to kill their parents), it is no easy task to keep up with the danwei.orgs of the world in terms of journalistic integrity.
Still, there is one grand and worthwhile service that I can fulfill. And that is, oh noble readers, to help you waste time in situations where, given no other option, you might demean yourself to get work done. So, in the spirit of this one shining beacon of distraction I can offer, I will be doing a monthly set of posts on those links that may make it into your g-chat away messages or force you to apologize to your boss. As the wise and unproductive Bertrand Russell said: time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
Time Waster #1) Facebook’s MyType Application This particular application combines two of the greatest remedies to a day otherwise spent actually working at the office: Pretending to learn something about yourself and judging other people. Take the 5-minute Meyers-Briggs test and then spend hours analyzing the flaws in your Facebook friends. You knew you hated Fannie Chen for a reason, but now you know it’s because you are an ENTP “Visionary”, and she is a lowly ESFJ “Helper”.
Time Waster #2) Stuff White People Like
I am sure some of you out there were fans of blackpeopleloveus. In a bit the same vein is “Stuff White People Like”, a disturbingly accurate rundown of what it is that makes Caucasians feel all warm and fuzzy. #29 80’s Night….#22 Having two last names… The truth marches on
Time Waster #3 Election Coverage
There is a wonderful story from Salon that suggests that the reason why men like Barack Obama and John McCain is that they remind us of a buddy cop team. McCain is the grizzled veteran and Obama the brilliant rookie with courage to match. It is not that America isn’t ready for a woman president, it’s that it’s too ready for a return to 1970’s-style cop drama! In other news, Obama has solidly carried that Chinese Rapper vote, and is thus partially responsible for this monstrosity from Jin which contains the lyrics, “Dear Obama, comma, first off this is truly an hona’. I am a supporta’. I wanted to say, how strongly I believe in your bi-partisan ways.”
Time Waster #4 Podcasts
I am going to write more on this subject in my next print column, but suffice to say, there are a number out there like Pizza Buffet, the brainchild of three “strong and independent” Beijing women, where men can listen to, and be appalled by, the shockingly offensive things women say and do when we are not around to encourage good behavior. I would also like to throw in a plug for the archives at ExpatFM. This was before my time, but there are few things I have encountered, created by the expat community, that so deserve to become cult classics. Not to give anything away, but this may be one of the most brilliantly kitschy attempts to recreate 1940’s-era radio plays that I have ever heard. Also, if you listen to the first link, you can hear someone who sounds very much like our own Managing Editor Collin Crowell doing a very serviceable Casey Kasem impression – "Gwen Stefani has platinum blonde hair, and she may have platinum blonde success if Leonardo DiCaprio has good luck with the Aviator". Great Stuff, Collin.
Wasted Bursts:
Afraid I had nothing on the Olympics? Fear no more. Apparently, every expecting mother in China wants to give birth on the fortuitous date of August, 8th. Beijing hospitals are preparing for a record number of C-Sections .
This one is old, but we still want the gold. And the Remix
And, finally, no time wasting session is complete without a look at some metaphors that are as bad as the “bad metaphors from stupid student essays” that I am linking to right now
Comments Add a public comment
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Kids at Science Fair - "Crystal Meth, Friend or Foe?"
http://www.photobasement.com/41-hilarious-science-fair-experiments/
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My ultimate kill-an-hour website is the archives of Savage Love, quite possibly the best (read: raunchiest) sex column of all time. And since it's all text, it's work and public space safe.
http://thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?archives=all
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freerice.org, cause a niggaz gotta eat!
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For the cutest games ever: www.orisinal.com
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www.pizzabuffetbeijing.com (shameless self promotion)
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oh I'm a moron....jonny already promoted that site (thanks jonny...)...Ill think of something better soon. Have you tried yahoo text-twist?
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http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html
but I think it might be backwards. $10 says jonny 'da feiji' haagen whacks it to the chick with the spins.
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http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html
OOPS should work now
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Add your two cents and join (in) the discussion
http://www.news.com.au/ heraldsun/story/ 0,21985,22556281-661,00.html
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this falls under the heading of DIY--learn to make a sandwich so good it's dizzying!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MzOpjBOzMqA
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We can't leave out the culturally stimulating time wasters, care of Jimmy Kimmel.... http://youtube.com/watch?v=sIQrBouWRiE
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Good election coverage material. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FvyGydc8no
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youtube videos with local flavor: beijing's b-list celebs sing us a cross-country ballad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9BNtP9riWI and who can forget the migrant workers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-BVUz3FmDs
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