This week our local love doctors, Joe Schaefer (right) and Ginger Rong Chen (left), are dishing out advice on what to do when you get tired of waiting for your partner to pop the question:

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and told him I wanted to be engaged by December. We’re both in our 30s, and I hate to end it, but should I?
- Wishes He Would Put a Ring on It

The Western View

Now let me get this straight: you found your soulmate, the yang to your yin, the man with whom you want to spend the remainder of your life. And you want to marry this guy so bad that you are contemplating breaking up with him? Sorry if I can’t really get behind your logic here; my male brain is just too miniscule. In fact, it makes so little sense that I suspect you are really only using the break-up as a threat to motivate your man into action—in which case I say, “Bravo.” There’s nothing like a bit of blackmail to solidify the foundations of a lasting relationship. If that doesn’t work, there is always waterboarding. Or maybe is this your situation: you found a decent guy who you can tolerate and who listens to what he is told for the most part, but who is hesitant to legally bind himself to you before some date you arbitrarily marked down in your “life itinerary,” so now you will swap him for a new schmuck more likely to make life-altering commitments on your terms. In this case, I am sorry to inform you but your priorities are wildly out of order. I’m not Hercule Poirot or anything, but I’ve deduced a solid connection between people concerned with hitting their yearly engagement quota and the skyrocketing divorce rate. Try focusing less on how soon you can show off your diamond ring and more on why your boyfriend is reluctant to commit. Then maybe you can get hitched before you reach 40.

The Chinese View

Aha, here comes the ultimate question in every relationship: to marry or not to marry. I see a few numbers here: three years and three-zero-years-old. They say three is a charm, yes, three appears to be a charm of demands. If three years don’t make this relationship special, three-zero-years-old certainly makes you anxious. Now I’m gonna throw out two very key questions for you. First: what do you want the most, to get married or to be with him? (I am assuming he doesn’t want to get married; otherwise, there is no problem.) You can’t have it both ways. Marriage is a personal lifestyle choice. If that’s what you want, go for it. There is nothing wrong about a woman who wants to get settled down, to have her own family. Just because you want to get married, it doesn’t make you any less romantic. Don’t let that kind of what’s-marriage-without-your-absolute-soulmate talk stop you from pursuing what you really want. Second: how much longer can you wait? Maybe he does want to get married, maybe just not right now. So it’s the time for you two to have a “sit-down” and “we-need-to-talk” moment. I know, both are scary phases in a relationship. But hey, occasionally you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. And more importantly, you need to be totally objective in this conversation; don’t try to project your own wishes onto his words. Say what you want! Stay honest (with him and yourself) about what you want! That’s all I can say.

Do you have a sex, dating or relationship problem? Can no one else help? Send your quandaries to our expert sex columnists at sex.relationships@ringierchina.com or leave them below.

See also:
Let's Talk About Sex: The Out of Town Ex

[Let's Talk About Sex: Reindeer Games]http://www.cityweekend.com.cn/beijing/articles/blogs-beijing/expat-life/lets-talk-about-sex-reindeer-games1/)
Let's Talk About Sex: Long Distance Relationships
[Let's Talk About Sex: Racy Revenge]http://www.cityweekend.com.cn/beijing/articles/blogs-beijing/expat-life/lets-talk-about-sex-racy-revenge/)

Let's Talk About Sex: Bad Bed Behavior