In celebration of the book launch

In celebration of the launch of Beijing Tai Tai this weekend, I wanted to share with you all this exclusive extract from the book. I’ve decided to publish this particular chapter online because it shares with you the diversity and similarity amongst Beijing’s people. We may be so different, but we are all so alike.

I love that dichotomy.

Enjoy this sneak preview, and look out for Beijing Tai Tai at The Bookworm, The BookMark, Garden Books, Chaterhouse Booktrader and Tai Tai Kitchen.

Tania McCartney

Embracing the Differences

Where do we all come from and why are we here?

I am a closet busy-body. My greatest fantasy is to peek inside everyone’s house for a look at the décor and furniture placement. My other fantasy goes a little deeper. It involves peeking inside people’s brains––to understand the daily contributions to the complex tapestry that shapes an adult personality. Why are some of us quiet? Why do some of us like eating bull testicles? How can anyone really enjoy motor-racing and why do some of us wither like dehydrated daisies the moment summer whispers across the hills?

I love how Beijing is a jumble of differences we’ll never experience at home. Not only do we have differing personalities to contend with, we have differing thought processes. Different ways of being––culturally, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually. It’s fascinating to me. So fascinating, that I decided to ask three different types of mothers a few questions about motherhood that might open up my understanding.

My first victim is a local Beijing girl, let’s call her Sami. She speaks English and is a well-educated customer service manager who has been married six years. Sami has one three-year-old child.

My second is a Shanghai girl and stay-at-home mum, let’s call her Pia, who married an American man and has lived in both the States and Japan. They have two children and although she is perfectly Westernised, Pia still holds true to her Chinese roots.

My last victim, let’s call her Shazza, is an Aussie girl with three children. She is married to an Australian, has been in Beijing for almost three years and works part time.

Let’s just see what they have to say.

Nosey-Parker: What do you love most about being a mother?

Sami: I love my son. There is nothing happier than the arrival of a new baby. He is loveable and looks like me. He has come into my life and my blood. It’s said that a child is one part meat of the mother’s body. I feel so proud.

Pia: Being a Mother is the most wonderful thing in life; I can’t imagine a more important job or one more satisfying. I get such huge satisfaction from seeing my two boys growing up healthy, curious and with so many interests and talents. Cuddling them, making them feel better when they feel bad, exploring all that’s new to them is so wonderful. Being the one person they count on, trust, love and look up to. Yes, being a mother is special.

Shazza: I love the fact that my children love me for being me, no strings attached. I also love that all three of my boys still love giving and getting hugs and kisses.

Nosey-Parker: What is difficult about being a mother?

Sami: It’s so difficult to educate a child and teach him good behaviour and manners. I explain to my son what’s right and wrong but he often can’t resist doing the wrong thing. It’s also difficult to balance work and life. I feel I don’t have enough time to be with my son, but I have to work.

Pia: While it is not a thankless job, it often feels like a non-stop, no-break occupation, seven days a week, 365 days a year. It can be extremely tiring and it’s a challenge not to get upset when you put so much into mothering and the kids so often find ways to be uncooperative.

Shazza: Learning when to let go and letting your children make their own mistakes. Sometimes this is heartbreaking.

Nosey-Parker: Which parent has the most important parental role, you or your husband?

Sami: My husband and I play a two-sided role. In Chinese saying, one of the parents should play ‘black face’ and the other should play ‘red face’ which means the couple should balance. Sometimes I’m strong and sometimes my husband is strong. Generally speaking though, my husband plays the most important role. He is patient and tender and plays with my son while I do housework.

Pia: I believe, as a mother, I do, because I’m the one who is with them most of the time. I must set the rules, hand out the discipline, teach, guide and basically take care of them, for the most part. Although we do discuss the parenting rules, my husband follows the rules I’ve already set forth. We both agree that it’s the person who spends the most time with our kids that must play the most important role.

Shazza: I feel both our roles are equally important. The children need both role models to become balanced adults––to learn to respect themselves and others.

Nosey-Parker: How important is Chinese culture and heritage in your child’s life?

Sami: Some Chinese traditional ways are good for the child’s physiology and psychology. We’d prefer traditional Chinese medicine which is good for the health. I cook Chinese cuisine for my son and never take him to McDonalds or KFC. Chinese family attitude is important in our life. According to local tradition, my husband and I should go to our hometown with our son to visit the grandparents and in-laws during Chinese New Year and other holidays. We want to let our son know that he is one part of the whole family.

Pia: Teaching our children Chinese culture is very important. It’s one of the main reasons we moved to Beijing as it’s a bit more traditional than Shanghai, where I’m from. My sons’ time here has been filled with celebrating Chinese holidays, eating many of the foods I ate as a child, reading Chinese stories, seeing plays, acrobatics, learning Chinese songs, taking Chinese drawing classes and of course learning the wonderful language––speaking as well as reading and writing. My sons have also taken abacus and special Chinese logic classes.

Shazza: It is important for me that my children embrace whatever culture we live in. We are Australians living in China and therefore it’s very important for my kids to embrace the culture by speaking Chinese and participating in activities whenever they have the opportunity. My children will be going to bi-lingual schools in Australia to continue their appreciation of another culture. We are already planning a Chinese New Year dinner in Australia with friends and family.

Nosey-Parker: What kind of role do grandparents and extended family have in your child’s life?

Sami: My mother takes care of my son when my husband and I go to work. She cooks for my son and plays with him, so my mother is also important to my son. Grandparents and extended family often spend money to help us, including buying the house.

Pia: Though my husband’s family all live in the US, they are still in touch fairly often, and we take trips in the summer to see them. My family is mostly in Shanghai and we see them two or three times a year. Despite the distance, the boys’ grandparents still play a supportive role in their upbringing.

Shazza: Unfortunately, due to my husband’s work, our boys don’t live near their grandparents or extended family very often. Their grandparents email the kids to their own personal email accounts––this is private time between them, and we, as parents, do not get involved. The kids are building a connection that means they will have another set of adults to turn to when in need, or simply just for fun. I think this communication is equally important for the grandparents.

Nosey-Parker: What three things do you wish for your child?

Sami: I wish that he is healthy, safe and happy. I wish that he has a good future by receiving a good education and making a great contribution to society. I wish that he has a happy family, with a nice wife and child.

Pia: That they are able to have interests in life that keep them happy. That they are ambitious and strive to do their best. That they find someone they love and are able to have a healthy family.

Shazza: For them all to be happy, safe and successful in whatever they choose to do. And of course––always love their mum.

So.

Differences? Parallels? Does it really matter? For three women embracing three very different lives, this experiment proves that motherhood is both a challenge and a joy, no matter where you come from and no matter your beliefs, needs or creed.

It also proves, once again, that deep inside our ribcages, no matter if our bodies are black, white or yellow, communist, Christian or atheist––a mother’s heart beats for her children.

Thumpety-thump.