Does the expat life create brats of our children?

I’ve noticed something about my kids since returning home to ‘real’ life in Australia. Like most kids, Ella and Riley are settling in surprisingly fast, but I’ve noticed their priorities have shifted dramatically, and this has dragged their attitudes and actions along with it. They seem fresher, brighter, more adventurous and… dare I say it? Less ‘bratish’.

Not only do they spend more time outdoors tossing leaves and hunting for bugs than in front of the box (box = television, wii, PC, laptop, Nintendo DS, whatever), they also spend more time in their bedrooms. They have taken more pride in their rooms. They want a say in the decoration. They want keep things tidy and neat. They will now make their beds, put their clothes in the wash, empty their school bags and take their dishes to the sink, among many other wondrous chores.

They didn’t really do this in Beijing. And who’s fault is that?

Well – it’s mine.

I’m not going to try to make excuses here. I was fully cohesive of this chronic gaffe. I was kind of busy harnessing the Beijing magic for most of our family’s posting in the capital – magic in all incarnations, from shopping finds to publishing books. So, yes, I did let things slip a little. Or a lot. I also had a magical house fairy called Ayi, who sprinkled this enchanting dust and tada! things got clean and cooked without need for a blink or even an eyelid bat.

Yes, it was a magical time.

But like all magical times, they’re fleeting and not really real. And when you’re plummeted into reality, you’re then left to flick off the flack; you have to deal with the end results. And for me, that was two lazy, fawned-over kids who could easily have whiled away their afternoons laying on the couch with their mouths smeared in chocolate, pointing and beckoning.

So, it was Mummy Drill Sergeant time when we got home. Things had to change quickly. We have a large house, home, family and work to sort on a daily basis, and not a single CRC supermarket downstairs to nip in and grab some milk, let alone a school bus that drops your children from door to door like a courier. There is no way our new life is going to run effectively with lazing, beckoning and choc-smeared kids.

But it’s more than just the help factor. It’s the skills and drive factor.

It’s teaching children how to look after themselves, how to foster a work ethic; that drive and sense of satisfaction that comes from effort. It’s fostering pride and appreciation for what we have. It’s giving kids that sense of usefulness. God how I have personally missed that sense of usefulness and contribution that was so sorely lacking in the Jing, when other people did everything for you.

Back in Australia, it’s all queues and call-waiting and DIY. Literally. Do it yourself.

Hello, reality!

So the kids are mucking in, and this effort is helping them reconnect and put their feet on the ground of their new home. Sure, they whine a little every now and then, but they’re always smiling at the tail end of their toil. And they seem to stand taller after praising. I can sniff that sense of empowerment and capability and strength already – elements all children need, no matter the presence of magical house fairies.

Whether you’re still in the Jing or have absconded to home shores, crack that whip! For effective relief from housework pain and fever, grab your children and use them as directed. If pain persists, there’s always bribery.

Tania McCartney