Oh for goodness sake – shove a sock in it!
Kids who make far too much noise
You know, I may sound like that horrible Old Lady McCartney by writing this blog, but I just have to say something.
What is it with these kids who don’t know when to shut up? Or worse – those kids who have parents who don’t know when to tell them to shut up. These clueless noise polluters who are doing as much environmental damage as the mass of pollution-spewing cars on Gongti Beilu.
I am, as we speak, sitting on the 31st floor of our building, in a well-enclosed, mostly silent lounge, writing. I have a lovely view, the soft hum of the air conditioner, the pottering of the tea lady occasionally and the occasional faint whir of an elevator.
I also have – for twenty minutes running now – the screeching rant of a child – thirty one storeys below, entering my ears, grabbing my brain matter and ripping it to shreds like toilet paper. I repeat – I am on the 31st floor and this child is on ground level and the windows are closed.
Honest to God, if I had arms long enough, I would open a window, reach down through it and wring this child’s bloody neck.
It’s not a playful squeal or the sounds of kids yelling and having fun – this I can absolutely put up with and even enjoy. This is an out and out, audibly offensive, earhole-piercing “raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” that really needs kyboshing super-quick the first time it happens, let alone the 486th time.
What is this child’s parent/ayi/caretaker thinking? Obviously that everyone within a three kilometre radius of this kid is deaf. And if they aren’t – after this racket, they soon will be.
In our house, we have noise, sure we do. We have squealing and playful screaming and laughing and even the odd spate of yelling – whether it be fits of laughter, an argument over DS games or a “don’t make me come in there, you two!” kind of yell. This ain’t no monastery at prayer time, no no.
But we also have “indoor voices” and we have a strict rule about “noise pollution” – on everything from constant whining (which is often actually quite softly delivered) to the achingly repetitive “woop!” “bloop!” and “ark ark!” noises that kids sometimes make ad infinitum, until you truly think you’re about to mentally implode.
Sure. Kids will be kids and I know noise is part and parcel. But isn’t it our responsibility as parents to ease our children gently into the world, and prepare them for the social graces and basic human etiquette that will help make life easier for them? I mean, isn’t it just common decency to make kids simply aware of those around them and how their actions affect those around them, let alone teach them more advanced lessons in compassion and empathy?
I remember when I was hugely pregnant with Ella. I was sitting in our local library, studying, when out of nowhere, a toddler started screeching and running around noisily. I didn't bat an eyelid at first, but when I realised (along with the other library patrons) that this kid was actually playing in the library, running the aisles and tearing books from the shelves, I'm sorry - I had to say something.
I tend to do that occasionally and it often gets me into trouble.
When I approached the absolutely clueless mother and politely mentioned that perhaps her kid could tone it down a wee bit, she all but verbally attacked me (no surprise there, I guess - this kid honestly had no hope).
Among other unrepeatable things, she told me that her son was playing at a "normal playground level". Yes. For a playground. Did she somewhere lose sight of the fact that we were indeed standing inside the walls of a library, per chance?
But it's not only noise that some parents ignore.
I’ll never forget the time our family was eating out at a local Beijing restaurant, enjoying the fine décor, the delicious food and lovely service, while simultaneously trying to mentally blot out the stain of a young boy carrying a very realistic toy machine gun, and using it to line us up and take sniper shots at each and every one of us. He drove Ella to tears, he was so offensive, and let’s just say I excelled in the evil glares department (and even the odd firmly pointed finger) that evening.
The child’s parents sat oblivious, even when he performed point-blank shootings at other patron’s heads. It was absolutely horrifying to me and frankly, this kind of negligence makes me seriously worry for our planet’s future. A dramatic statement? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
Offensively noisy kids. Like anything in life – too much of it can be a bad thing.
Tania McCartney
Comments Add a public comment
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Just re read that and sound like an old grump. Don't by any means condone smacking your child, just the way it was in my house as a child. I love kids, in fact, have two of my own...but as much as my heart beats just for them...sometimes.....the noise drives me around the twist. Maybe I need a holiday?
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I cannot stand screaming, ranting children mostly because if it doesn't make me cry in empathy, then it makes me cringe and either one is not pleasant. But what I really cant stand is silent parents. If there's a tired, desperate mom or dad trying to calm their crying/raving/screaming child then I'm very forgiving. As a previously, camp counselor, English teacher and teaching assitant, I get it! Children don't always listen, there's only so much you can do? What I have little tolerance for are those parents who aren't at all ruffled or embarrassed about sitting idly by as their child wreaks havoc on the ears of the passers by. It's astounding ... and more than once have I told a parent off for it. And rightly so if you ask me.
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pjsheeps - I absolutely agree with you - many's been the time I've battled a very noisy tantrum that has been quite beyond my control - physically and mentally! I have total empathy for parents at these times, too.
But, as you mentioned, I also draw the line at parents who seem to adopt selective deafness, or worse - who don't nip deliberate scrappy behaviour in the bud.
dnmoggy - Dear old fashioned grump, Yes, you need a holiday. With old lady McCartney!
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Those kids you are complaining about - they may have been mine! ha ha - sorry to say this, but I have lost all hold over my kids - they aren't afraid of me! I'm a softie and they know it! I "try" to nip the behavior - but I am failing at it . . . miserably!
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Speaking of noise, does anyone have any advice on what to do about crappy, peurile neighbours who throw belligerent, childlike hissy fits when you ask them, after 5 months of being too polite and too nervous to bother them, to cease the noise after 11pm?
Despite being very sweet and logical and totally reasonable on the subject, I have been met with a stamped down foot, a set of firmly crossed arms and a clenched jaw. And more noise.
Oh - and a suggestion that I move out to a place with no neighbours if I didn't like what was happening.
It's not neighbours I need to move away from. It's monsters.
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OoooOooo I hate lousy, the-world-revolves-around-us neighbors... there's a blog for ya! Nasty Neighbors Know No Borders: From Australia to Beijing
I wish I had advice for you but I usually end up adopting the rant-and-rave-friends-incessantly route..
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Try some of these!
Order a takeaway and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don't have a phone.
Stand over the plants in your garden with a garden hose and scream, "I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!". Then point at each one and declare them good or bad plants, while watering the bad ones.
Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (i.e. chairs, books, lamps, etc.)
Ask them if you can put your rubbish in their dustbins, if they ask why say, "Mine are full of bodies", then stutter and say, "I, uh, mean other rubbish." Walk away laughing hysterically.
Patrol the perimeter of your garden while carrying a broom. If they come close state that their is a 3 foot neutral area between the two garden's.
At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, "Looks like they're on the move again."
When they're watching TV, pull a deck chair behind their window. Sit down with ice-cream, popcorn and a drink and ask them if they could open a window so you can hear too.
Build snowmen with name tags of your neighbours. Each day hack off a different part of their body.
Use your TV remote control to change the channels on their TV from outside. If asked why, say you detest such programs. (The more educational the program the better.)
Dig shallow graves at night filling your garden with brown grave patches. Make markers out of household appliances.
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dnmoggy: Your 10 suggestions are absolutely hilarious. PLEASE tell me you've done at least one of the above?!!
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I only wish I HAD a yard.
And a shovel...
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Hilarious column, Tania. I am super sensitive to noise as well. The sight of a screaming kid makes me reluctant to even try bring a life into this world. I have no morals and no patience, I would no react well to undisciplined kids. Just like I would buy a massive pair of speakers, mount it on my roof, and play Metallica at full volume to annoy annoying neighbors. Another thing you forgot to mention which is also annoying in Beijing: dogs. Yapping dogs.
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OH yes. The dog thing. I can also hear them from the 31st floor, on the ground, pooping their little hearts out where the hollering kiddies play.
And what is it with those Pomeranians the Chinese seem to favour so much? I mean, I know about the 30cm inside the third ring thing, but what about an adorable little Westie or a bouncy Jack Russell?
Sorry, Pomeranian lovers - those fuzzy maniacs would have to be the most revolting things ever handcrafted by God. Talk about a vacant personality and a serious attitude problem. You just have to look at one from 100m away and it breaks into a snarling maniacal frenzy. Erk.
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PS: Lee - the very fact that you are so conscientous about kids and their effect on others means you'll probably be one of the best dads a kid could want.
So - don't be afraid! Go forth and multiply! You can pretty much mould the little darlings how ever you want them to be! It's just like playing God! Or the SIMS!
Right, now I'm off to have some milk with my delusional cereal...
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frankly, it's not just the noisy kids that are the problem, it's the noisy adults. china is the loudest country i've ever lived in, the noise pollution is unbearable. constant honking horns, people who have no concept of indoor/outdoor voices, or when it is inappropriate to shout at the top of their lungs. i live above a bunch of very local restaurants, and every night there are people sitting outside shouting and laughing and carrying on until all hours of the night. i mean, really? everyone just needs to shut up and have some respect for their neighbours and fellow citizens. blech.
ps. being sick with the flu makes me even more intolerant to excessive noise.
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Here here!!!
At least living on frat row in Cali was quiet on the weekdays...
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No doubt old lady McCartney....this will evoke some interesting comments! I, for one, could not agree with you more. Sometimes I am pleasantly suprised by having a wonderful conversation with an apprentice human but more often than not I am looking in despair for a way to extricate myself from the incoherant rantings of mummys darling who thinks they should be recording it all as their child is surely a genius. Call me old fashioned but in my day, children are seen and not heard when out in public (playgrounds excepted of course!). I would have copped a swift clip across the ear from my father in the beat of a heart. Did me no harm! Some parents need to get their ears tested and find a clue!