Kids who make far too much noise

You know, I may sound like that horrible Old Lady McCartney by writing this blog, but I just have to say something.

What is it with these kids who don’t know when to shut up? Or worse – those kids who have parents who don’t know when to tell them to shut up. These clueless noise polluters who are doing as much environmental damage as the mass of pollution-spewing cars on Gongti Beilu.

I am, as we speak, sitting on the 31st floor of our building, in a well-enclosed, mostly silent lounge, writing. I have a lovely view, the soft hum of the air conditioner, the pottering of the tea lady occasionally and the occasional faint whir of an elevator.

I also have – for twenty minutes running now – the screeching rant of a child – thirty one storeys below, entering my ears, grabbing my brain matter and ripping it to shreds like toilet paper. I repeat – I am on the 31st floor and this child is on ground level and the windows are closed.

Honest to God, if I had arms long enough, I would open a window, reach down through it and wring this child’s bloody neck.

It’s not a playful squeal or the sounds of kids yelling and having fun – this I can absolutely put up with and even enjoy. This is an out and out, audibly offensive, earhole-piercing “raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” that really needs kyboshing super-quick the first time it happens, let alone the 486th time.

What is this child’s parent/ayi/caretaker thinking? Obviously that everyone within a three kilometre radius of this kid is deaf. And if they aren’t – after this racket, they soon will be.

In our house, we have noise, sure we do. We have squealing and playful screaming and laughing and even the odd spate of yelling – whether it be fits of laughter, an argument over DS games or a “don’t make me come in there, you two!” kind of yell. This ain’t no monastery at prayer time, no no.

But we also have “indoor voices” and we have a strict rule about “noise pollution” – on everything from constant whining (which is often actually quite softly delivered) to the achingly repetitive “woop!” “bloop!” and “ark ark!” noises that kids sometimes make ad infinitum, until you truly think you’re about to mentally implode.

Sure. Kids will be kids and I know noise is part and parcel. But isn’t it our responsibility as parents to ease our children gently into the world, and prepare them for the social graces and basic human etiquette that will help make life easier for them? I mean, isn’t it just common decency to make kids simply aware of those around them and how their actions affect those around them, let alone teach them more advanced lessons in compassion and empathy?

I remember when I was hugely pregnant with Ella. I was sitting in our local library, studying, when out of nowhere, a toddler started screeching and running around noisily. I didn't bat an eyelid at first, but when I realised (along with the other library patrons) that this kid was actually playing in the library, running the aisles and tearing books from the shelves, I'm sorry - I had to say something.

I tend to do that occasionally and it often gets me into trouble.

When I approached the absolutely clueless mother and politely mentioned that perhaps her kid could tone it down a wee bit, she all but verbally attacked me (no surprise there, I guess - this kid honestly had no hope).

Among other unrepeatable things, she told me that her son was playing at a "normal playground level". Yes. For a playground. Did she somewhere lose sight of the fact that we were indeed standing inside the walls of a library, per chance?

But it's not only noise that some parents ignore.

I’ll never forget the time our family was eating out at a local Beijing restaurant, enjoying the fine décor, the delicious food and lovely service, while simultaneously trying to mentally blot out the stain of a young boy carrying a very realistic toy machine gun, and using it to line us up and take sniper shots at each and every one of us. He drove Ella to tears, he was so offensive, and let’s just say I excelled in the evil glares department (and even the odd firmly pointed finger) that evening.

The child’s parents sat oblivious, even when he performed point-blank shootings at other patron’s heads. It was absolutely horrifying to me and frankly, this kind of negligence makes me seriously worry for our planet’s future. A dramatic statement? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Offensively noisy kids. Like anything in life – too much of it can be a bad thing.

Tania McCartney