Can someone please explain what’s happening to me!?

Contrary to what this blog may initially imply, our family is doing okay Back Home. Not fabulously and exhilaratingly well, but quite well considering we are still walking around in a numb state, glancing out the window in confusion when we see blue sky and gum leaves instead of a 10km city vista bathed in grey.

In fact, when I walk up to a window, I still look down. When I realise there’s nothing but grass or paving down there, I have to twist my neck to look up to see the all those tiresome green leaves and fresh air and cotton wool clouds. No wonder my neck is sore.

We’re probably doing okay Back Home because we have lots to focus on – work, school, scrubbing toilets, toiling through mountains of ironing and still attempting to twist our brains around the fact that the mother has to cook the dinner. Other than that, things are seemingly fine.

In truth, the oddest thing about repatriation is that I honestly don’t know how I feel. I miss Beijing terribly, as does Xiansheng and the kids (they talk about BSB constantly), but for the most part, I feel – well… numb . I’ve felt this way since coming home and it’s pretty much sticking like glue. It’s so all-pervading, I’ve wondered if it’s actually ‘normal’.

It was with relief, then, when Xiansheng came home last night with a Tip Sheet from work. The sheet had this heading – ‘Reverse Culture Shock – A Guide to Returning Home’. “Typical schmaltz”, I thought to myself before flipping through the pages, skimming dot points and then gawping in shock at the familiarity I was reading.

“Someone has written this about me!” I whispered out loud. Xiansheng glanced at me and rolled his eyes. “No really!” I insisted. “It’s like someone has opened my head and written down what’s going on in there and has presented to me and now I can finally understand what’s happening to me!”

Xiansheng nodded condescendingly and got back to his work.

Well, he may not be convinced, but I was gobsmacked at the accuracy dot pointed before me. How could something so ‘generalised’ apply to personally and directly?

The first dot points listed Reverse Culture Shock symptoms, some of which I could relate to…

• Vague disorientation – check

• Frustration – check

• Boredom – I'm never bored

• Fatigue – check

• Alienation and withdrawal – only at expensive shopping centres

• Communications seem difficult – only when broadband goes down

• No one understands you – depends how much I've had to drink

• It’s difficult to explain things coherently – check

• You feel resistant to family and friends – half-check

• It’s hard to relate to others – half-check

• No one is interested in hearing about your expatriation – check

• All you can think about is going back – check check check!

But it was the NEXT set of dot points that had me gawping. Headed: “Why do we suffer reverse culture shock?” Here are the points:

• Your leisure choices may seem mundane; life isn’t as exciting – check

• You may miss the ‘celebrity’ status many expatriates enjoy abroad; back home you melt into the crowd – check

• Your living standards may plummet; no cook, driver, maid any more – check check check!

• You may miss the closeness of the expatriate community; back home people live more independent lives – check

• Life back home isn’t a parade of exotic sights and mind-blowing experiences – check

• There may be a precipitous decline in salary and cost of living could be higher – check!!!

• Re-entry usually involves many large one-off expenses such as buying a car, a house, new furniture and appliances – check

• Family and friends may not show much interest in the life you experienced overseas – check

• You may feel you have grown and developed as a person but can't seem to express or share it with anyone – check

• Family members may expect you to start shouldering your share of family responsibilities again – part check

This list may or may not affect you all upon repatriation, but as you can see – most of it has totally affected our family and, frankly, it was just such a relief to have it put into words – words I have been too numb and vague to be able to pinpoint.

Now that I know what’s actually going on with me, I can relax a little more. It’s going to take time. Lots of time, and it doesn’t help that my heart is aching for Beijing and I find cruising the City Weekend website a form of torture.

How have you all coped/plan to cope with reverse culture shock? Tips are only useful if they’re shared. Check back for my Top Ten Repatriation Tips, coming soon…

Tania McCartney