I have been reading the book, Foreign Babes in Beijing That is until I accidentally left it on the train on my last trip to Henan. This book is about an American girl's experience starring in a very popular mid-90s TV show of the same title. I find it both strange and familiar at the same time as she tells her experience. I highly recommend the book. It's a good read--at least what I've read thus far. And so, now, I'll tell you my short story of my recent foray into the Chinese entertainment industry.

Last week I answered an ad for a western actress to star in a film about Chinese life. The ad was long, but not very specific as to the details, plot, or purpose of the movie. As an actress, I try to answer every ad I am qualified for and even those for which I am not. This one was pretty much in my scope. They are looking for a western girl age 20s-30s who can speak some Chinese. Hey! That's me!

So I sent in my resume and my blondest photo and waited for a reply. They wrote back quickly with a request for more pictures--casual and without makeup. They also wanted me to call at a certain time that day to schedule an appointment for later that day. I sent the pics and made the appointment. They sent me the address in pinyin (incorrect) and characters to a place that on my map looked about 20 minutes away.

I got in the taxi, showed the driver my terrible Chinese handwriting and he whisked me toward the place. We were making decent time, but one we got past the 4th ring road, I knew we were in trouble. The driver had no idea where he was going and I had never been. He eventually called someone and managed to get me to the right place--a half an hour late! Oh well, that's life in Beijing.

I arrive and the assistant comes out to greet me and brings me to the lobby of an nondescript office building where I sat with my paper cup half full of hot water for another half hour. I was trying to be patient because after all, I was the one who was late in the first place. Then, another American girl (about my type) came in to wait in the lobby with me. After another half hour, we were finally invited into the director's office. It was a tiny typical Chinese office with about three or four desks, four or five large cabinets, a laptop computer, and a video camera. The director was having what seemed like a heated argument with another western girl. She was trying to explain that she was an experienced stage actress back home and he was saying that her experience was not in China, so it was meaningless. He had a very fatherly tone and she was clearly frustrated by the whole situation. The other girl and I watched in confused and uncomfortable silence until the first girl left the room.

Then, the director invited us to sit down in front of the computer and asked us to read a bit from what I assume was the script of the movie--in Chinese! Uh oh! My Chinese skills are not high and even what I do know is almost completely oral. I can only read about 30% of what he had on the screen and was thoroughly embarrassed when the other girl who claimed in the lobby that her Chinese was not that great read the text with almost no trouble. The director reassured me that he just wanted to hear if I had standard pronunciation. Sure...

After proving my Chinese illiteracy, he asked us to look at a passage in English about a man who is telling the story of meeting his wife. The director asked us to tell the story in our own words and change the male part to a female part and add more to the story. We would be doing it several times in front of the camera and from various perspectives. He wanted one time to pretend that we were about 50 or 60 years old telling the story. He gave us a few minutes to think about it and then turned on the camera and let us have a crack at this storytelling thing.

I went first being the more "experienced actor" and I was so nervous and befuddled by the odd circumstances--not understanding what the director was looking for or even what the movie was about at all--I don't think my performance was very good. Then he asked me to do it again giving me various nonsensical directions each time and each time I did it about the same way. Then he asked me to do it again--in Chinese. As a beginner to the language I only know how to talk fluently about certain subjects like the weather and what I like to eat. Telling a love story is not a lesson I have reached yet, so my story was pretty lame.

Then, Miss "I don't speak Chinese well" went into a beautiful tale of love and romance in fluent putonghua. I was once again put to shame for my mediocre language skills. After a few rounds back and forth telling the same stupid story in Chinese and English between me and the other girl, the director finally turned off the camera and started what I can only describe as a homily (half in English, half in Chinese) on the status of the Chinese film industry in comparison with the West. He also diverged into his frustration with foreigners who come to China and don't even bother to learn about the language or culture. He praised us for being unlike the common waiguoren in Beijing. After what seemed like forever but was probably about 20 minutes, he closed with collecting our photos and resumes and giving the famous line "We'll call you."

After that experience, I was honestly relieved that I didn't get a call again. Maybe the Chinese film industry can do without me for now. I'll try again next year.