Why Don't Expat Women Like Chinese Men?
Yes, this is a sleazy survey. Yes, I don't expect to learn anything useful. On the other hand, I do expect to stir up some rancor. But sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the rancor of strangers. Plus, I am stating my premises in a fair and balanced manner.
I was recently at the Hutong's Hook n' Cook. It's a cooking class that bills itself as a social networking event. The organizers try to emphasize that it's not a singles event, but many of the people there haven't gotten the message. One thing that I heard there, something that I've heard again and again in Beijing, is that it is very hard for expat women to find boyfriends.
A long time ago I wrote an article on The Speed Dating Specialists. Pilar, one of the founders, said she started organizing speed dating because she had so many friends who complained about how hard it was to be a single female expat in Beijing. We talked for a while and came up with two reasons for this: 1. It is easy for foreign men to meet Chinese women. (I'd be very interested in stories from people who've had the opposite experience.) 2. Expat women are not generally interested in Chinese men and vice versa.
I've heard a lot of people pontificate on the reasons for the first bit, but what lies behind the second?
I am neither a female expat nor a Chinese man, but I have heard foreign women say again and again that they are not into Chinese men. They complain that Chinese men are too traditional, that Chinese men don't fit their standards for attractiveness or manliness, that Chinese men just don't like them. (I have been told by a couple Chinese and Japanese male friends that they find Western women "too big," and "somewhat ape-like." But that's from a small sample size.)
I was wondering if there are any readers out there who would like to comment on this and if we could get a little forum together on the topic as it seems to be a very pertinent issue for Beijing's expat population. Why don't expat women (in general) date Chinese men? It seems like it would be a buyer's market, what with women so in demand in China (especially considering how many of the Chinese ones are spirited off by those damn laowai); foreign women should be able to have the pick of the litter. What's up?
Update 3/25 (links):
I've decided to add some expert input to make our discussion even more scientific. By expert input, I mean things I found on the web that made me laugh and are, hopefully, non-offensive.
Here's the start:
Bitterasianmen.com for a view from the receiving end of our phenomenon. Anyone who uses porn stars to make a coherent point is a semi-genius in my book.
The first writing I've been able to find by a woman on our subject. Apparently men dominate the web's sexually frustrated discourse. Actually, I think that's why the web was invented.
Update 3/27:
This is becoming more and more interesting to me. Unfortunately I'm afraid the article is going to be buried in CW's blog system.
Here's two posts from Asian-Australian man. The first is a quick run down of why he likes white women. The second is a meatier exploration of the problems that Asian men looking to date white women face.
And, more importantly, the blog post that got the previously mentioned Asian-Australian man started on the topic. It's actually pretty much the same reasons listed by the Asian-Australian man, but then it has hundreds of comments from other Australians on the topic. Unfortunately most of them are of the hunky-dory, I-dated-an-Asian-so-there's-obviously-no-problem type. I like my discussion more cynical and piercing. Perhaps Aussies get too much sun.
Comments Add a public comment
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I find this topic compelling as an expat woman who IS interested in dating Chinese men (I'd say exclusively). I'll admit that before coming to China, I was unaware of the rarity of this combination and never really considered dating outside of my own race largely because of my location (The South--USA). I find Chinese men to be extremely attractive and as I have no qualms about dating someone shorter than me (in fact I like it) I think that the only major issue for me is cultural understanding. I am still learning about China and I hope that the guy I'm with can understand where I come from culturally as well.
I think it's a shame that more Chinese guys and Western women don't hook up. Maybe the guys are shy. Maybe the girls are shallow. Not really sure. As for me, I prefer dating Chinese men, but I like to think I choose a partner based on more than just race.
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I've been open to dating chinese guys; but I've found they're often one of two extremes. They're either "players", maybe even keeping track of how many white girls they've slept with, or they're sweet normal guys who are looking to be SERIOUS, like MARRIAGE. In the west we have shorter relationships, it's not always all or nothing, but I haven't met any chinese guys who'd be happy to go out, have fun (including sex or not) and basically have a lovely time knowing it'll end in a few months or when the girl goes back to her country. I think that sounds really nice, but I've only met the serious types or the pigs. :(
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hey milse,
just thought i'd throw out a bit of wonky science on the subject.
http://scienceblogs.com/gnxp/2008/07/why_does_race_matter_for_women.php
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Beautiful Nat, beautiful. 16 percent acceptance rate by white women. Those poor, poor Asian Columbia students. If you can't get Nat's link to work try typing it yourself. The end is: "why does race matter for women" all connected by underscores followed by ".php"
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u brought up a good topic,Many chinese internet talked this subjuct many times.but they seems didn't find the ture reason.many chinese men want to communicate with expat women,but its not a easy thing for them,there are quite different between them.
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Hi there!!
Thanks to bring up such an interesting subject.
First, I must confess I am not a woman but a gay man and I think you will agree that our causes are often the same.
I do like Asian man, but not ALL of them. I am quite picky and I often find them to be too effeminate when what I am looking for is a normal guy that looks and acts like a guy.
One thing must be said and I do not want to
upset anyone here or be unfair or even say this statement just for the pleasure to tell something unpleasant BUT, the most of Asian guys have a quite small penis and this is no surprise that this information have circulated around. I know it, I go to the gym and to the swimming pool and I can tell you that it is not often big down there.
But apart from that, I do think that because this is not the first bit you see when meeting an Asian guy, there is also the fitness factor. Rare are the fit Chinese, often too skinny or chubby or no shape at all.
Finally, yes Western women and gay guys have definitely something scary for these guys wanting to find a foreign partner. We are too open, too quick, too much maybe.
Well, I just wanted to say that my above statement is NOT nasty and hasty and not discriminatory, this is just a comment regarding the topic.
Ciao ciao!!
Alishan