By Matt Schrader

How to live it up this Chinese New Year and enjoy the celebration like a local

For those looking to get in on the biggest celebration on the planet, Beijing is the place to be Nowhere does up Chinese New Year like China's capital.

Your first order of business is to stake out a prime viewing spot for the wave of pyrotechnic pandemonium that washes over Beijing, cresting at midnight on the 14th. Ground zero is the area around the drum and bell towers to the west of Nanluoguxiang. If you can’t score an invite to an apartment with a view, try the roof of the bar Drum and Bell, set smack in between the two towers. East Shore Live Jazz Café and Club Obiwan on Houhai are good bets as well, but be sure to call ahead. As of this writing neither place is sure it’ll be open for the evening (Drum and Bell confirmed they’ll be open until 2am).

For the full Chinese experience, you’ll want to watch the world explode around you with a cup of baijiu in hand and a stomach full of dumplings (dumplings should precede baijiu, ideally). Black Sesame Kitchen’s weekly Chinese cooking classes (RMB300 per person; covers the cost of the class and materials) fit the bill, with a class on dumpling making conveniently scheduled for the afternoon of the 13th.

As for the liquor, Feng Xiaodong, proprietor of a popular liquor shop near Dongzhimen (Tel: 6417-8678), recommends Hong Xing (Red Star) baijiu as a step up in smoothness and drinkability from the firewater in the green bottles (although he prefers the latter himself, probably because it’s five kuai a pop. Hong Xing bottles go for between RMB100 and RMB280).

Once you’ve taken a few days to recover from your baijiu-fueled technicolor CNY odyssey, unwind with a few laughs at Guodegang (Tel: 5840-7676), the best place in Beijing to hear live xiangsheng performances. Their newest theater opened up across the street from Yashow at the beginning of December. With any luck (and maybe with the help of a little more baijiu), you’ll be laughing clear on through to Spring Festival 2011.

Wrap up your most Chinese of Chinese New Years by trekking along with the China Culture Center to a village in the suburbs outside Beijing the morning of February 16th (RMB250 with registration before 5pm February 12th, RMB350 afterwards). A jam-packed itinerary will have you clapping along to traditional folk performances, watching old-style Beijing street theater, making lunch in a farmer’s home, and maybe even joining in a performance or two.

How to avoid Chinese New Year and find some peace and quiet while the city explodes

Unfortunately for all the would-be Romeos out there, the first day of Spring Festival, the noisiest day on the Chinese calendar, this year just happens to coincide with the festival of Saint Valentine. Potential Don Juans needn’t lose heart, though. Even among the smoke and apocalyptic noise opportunities for secluded romance abound.

For a bit of coin, Beijing’s high-end hotels are a good bet for couples looking to get away. Gaze out on the fireworks from fifty floors up at The Park Hyatt while you and your sweetie get your rubdown on at their luxurious Tian Spa; or, blow the doors off the holiday at the Westin Financial Street, where for a mere RMB5,988 per couple you’ll canoodle in your own private limousine on the way to a five-course dinner prepared by the hotel’s executive chef, all topped off with 108 roses and your own personal string quartet.

For couples, or anyone else looking for a break from China’s annual rite of auto-immolation, Beijing’s spas are another, more affordable, harbor from the storm in the streets. Be sure to call ahead about availability, though. Old standbys Oriental Taipan and Dragonfly tell CW that they’ll keep their doors open the whole of Spring Festival, while Ispa, Kokoon, and Zen Spa all plan to close for a couple days around the beginning of the holiday.

To really hit the eject button on Spring Festival madness, try a day or two out on the slopes. With the nearest village 12km away, Wanlong Ski Resort promises that its guests should be able to rest in relative peace. Duolemeidi Mountain Resort and—a bit closer to the city— Nanshan Ski Resort will also be up and running with their normal operating hours for the whole holiday.

Failing all that, there’s always the hallowed Spring Festival expat ritual: DVD watching. Make sure you do it right by picking up a set of noise-isolating Etymotic hf2s (RMB1,598) at the Apple Store in Sanlitun Village.