From pollution to staring, CW explores why expats like to complain so much.

After a three hour drive along an unfinished road in a rattling “mianbao che,” Anna Grace Carter and her husband finally reached their new home—a cement block building located on a dirt road off an empty highway in Zunyi, Guizhou province.

“The first six months I hated it and wanted to go home,” Carter admits. “I tried to like it. I pretended I liked it.” Despite the fact her apartment didn’t lack for amenities, she wasn’t used to the “squatty potty” and certainly not ready for the crushing isolation that comes with being one of a handful of foreigners in town.

Coming to China was not Carter’s idea. Her husband, who had been fascinated by Chinese culture and kung fu movies for years, decided to make the move when Anna was unable to find work in Italy. Neither of them spoke a word of Chinese.

Attracted by work opportunities, thirst for Chinese culture and desire for pure adventure, thousands of laowai settle in China annually, many for the long haul. As of this September, 110,000 foreigners in Beijing had registered for stays longer than six months, according to the Exit and Entry Management Section of the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau. Despite the attractions, the country’s image has become a punching bag for foreigners who rattle off their pet peeves at the drop of a hat—pollution, spitting, unscrupulous business practices—the list is endless. It's not that expats hate China—China bashers get weeded out pretty quickly—rather it appears they love to hate China, resulting in a culture of complaint that runs deep into the fabric of expat life.

“People complain for any of a number of different reasons. Some people complain just to vent—to get their frustrations off their chest,” says Robin Kowalski, a professor of psychology at Clemson University who researches complaining. “For almost everyone, complaining gives them something to talk about—an ice-breaker if you will ... It's a language that we all use and that we all understand.” “I typically complain to close friends or maybe in small groups of really close friends,” says Shanghai resident Desmond Ng. “It’s all about the ‘comfortability’ level. When I bitch, I usually over-exaggerate or really take a biased opinion of the matter but my close friends know how to separate the BS from reality so it’s fine.”

Carter echoes Ng, saying that complaining is a phenomenon which occurs within tightly knit groups: “I complain to my close friends because I don’t want to seem negative to a group of people who may or may not understand who I really am.”

China has done a lot in recent years to address many of the issues which expats find unpalatable, such as the current campaign against the “Four Harms”—cutting in line, littering, spitting and swearing. But it turns out that picking on China, or anything else for that matter, might actually be healthy.

“Research that we have done shows that people do, in fact, feel better after complaining and give more positive ratings to an individual with whom they are dissatisfied if they are allowed to vent to that person,” Kowalski explains. “Complaining in moderation can lead to more positive affect. Too much complaining, though, can backfire.”

Michael Gralapp had no complaints when he first arrived in China 15 years ago on business. He was instantly smitten, uprooting his family from the United States and moving them to Beijing eight years ago.

“I really fell in love with the place,” says Gralapp, who has worked on projects from green energy to developing China’s first television home shopping network to his latest project, the Crayola Activity Center, a massive retail and activity center with a 32-seat theater, an art room, activity room, café, bookshop and music store. After multiple failures and successes, however, Gralapp is much more cynical about the country he once loved, mostly because he’s been burned by unscrupulous Chinese masquerading as friends.

“You could wallpaper the Great Wall with all the broken contracts signed, dated," Gralapp says of former employees and business partners who’ve done him over. "Unbreakable means nothing ... Iron clad and another offer of one jiao more or a family member who wants to cash in on your idea—your contract and your work go right out the window.”

Instead of getting angry, he’s become street smart, surrounding himself with young Chinese staffers who, he says, have fewer bad habits. He avoids working with people over 40, who’ve spent a great portion of their careers working for state owned companies. Gralapp learned the hard way the golden rule of knowing who your friends are.

Burned and frustrated, yes, but Gralapp has no intention to leave. “I have good friends here,” he says. “They’ll weather any storm for you … I don’t love China, but I still love the Chinese people.” Ng who is a part-time student, part-time English teacher and full-time “software test monkey” likes China despite its imperfections.

“One thing I couldn't believe was the traffic jams and pollution,” Ng says. “When I first landed in Beijing, it was nice to see the sunset with brown/yellow/grey/bluish tint and how they were going to fix this stuff for the Olympics.” Now living in Shanghai, his pet peeve is taxis, i.e. not finding one of the city’s 45,000 when he really needs one. “Even when you find a taxi your seat gets stolen in a flash,” Ng says. “I think my friend basically said it right, ‘The person that gets the taxi is the person with the first ass on the seat.’”

Ng does what most lifers do—avoiding that unhappy place where the litany of complaints becomes the roll call of daily life—simply by opting for the metro or just joining in the taxi scrum: “You're in their country so you should just be open and be happy that you are experiencing a culture that is completely different than your own,” he says. “I've gotten used to these ‘annoyances.’ It's an experience and frankly that's all I'm here for.”

Despite doing-as-the-Romans-do, complaining comes naturally.

“People sometimes complain even when they are perfectly satisfied but when they perceive that complaining will allow them to achieve other goals,” Kowalski says. We also think others complain more than we do. “When people are asked how often they complain relative to the average other person, most people think they complain far less.”

Now happily ensconced in Beijing, Carter, whose dream job is to be a presenter on CCTV9, finds that she complains much less. “In Zunyi people stared at me and treated me like an alien, not like a person,” says Carter, who would even avoid going out because of the pressure. Here in Beijing, however, Carter goes out often and has a boyfriend. But she still has pet peeves—people who spit and smoke everywhere top her list. Despite the annoyances, she’s learned to deal with it.

“Things are so much better here,” she gushes. While she’s not sure how long she will stay in China, the country she once loathed now holds a special place in her heart: “I do consider China as one of my homes.”

Isolation

Anna Grace Carter: Aspiring actress
2 years in China
"The first six months I hated it and wanted to go home,” admits Anna Grace Carter who spent a miserable year as one of only a handful of foreigners in Zunyi, Guizhou province. “I tried to like it. I pretended I liked it.” There were plenty of reasons for Carter to vent—the “squatty potty” in her apartment, the inability to communicate and the crushing isolation that comes with being one of a handful of foreigners in town.

Hygiene

Richmond Camello: Market research analyst
11 months in Beijing
"Maybe China can improve people's discipline to not hawk everywhere, especially in public transportation like buses and subways. It's unhygienic and gross,” says Richmond Camello. In the run-up to the Olympics, the government is trying to stamp out what some have called the “Four Harms”—cutting in line, littering, spitting and swearing. During May holiday, Beijing’s Spiritual Civilization Office fined people up to US$7 for expectorating in Tiananmen Square. They’ve distributed 100,000 expectoration bags and given out four million etiquette books.

Cheats

Michael Gralapp: Entrepreneur
8 years in China
"You could wall paper the Great Wall with all the broken contracts signed, dated. Unbreakable means nothing ... Iron clad and another offer of one jiao more or a family member who wants to cash in on your idea—your contract and your work go right out the window,” says Michael Gralapp, who has seen more than his fair share of shady business dealings in the Middle Kingdom.

Taxis

Desmond Ng: Software test monkey
1 year in China
Taxis—their musty smell in winter and the surly drivers all year long—tops the list of complaints in Beijing, but in Shanghai it's the fight just to get a cab that has expats seeing red. “Even when you find a taxi your seat gets stolen in a flash,” says Desmond Ng. “I think my friend basically said it right, ‘The person that gets the taxi is the person with the first ass on the seat.”

Traffic

Theresa Kühn: Freelance Consultant
1 year in Shanghai
"For Danes rules are rules. So I'm amazed by how traffic rules are largely ignored. As a pedestrian you may have right of way at a crossing. But be quite certain that cars will cut you off and leave you uncomfortably exposed mid-way or stranded on the sidewalk. What really wonders me is how many local pedestrians seem so at ease with it and actually give cars way. I most often want to smack my fist into the car hood!”

Fake Stuff

Antonio Romero Lobato: Senior Manager/System Development
4 weeks in Shanghai
"Name a brand and you can get it here. Shopping [for fakes] is so affordable that sometimes you just wish to take it all. But once you do, you will find out quickly that quality does not come with it. Watches, for example. Really nice looking and then two weeks after you start to wonder why you are always late for meetings. I had one that was constantly going 10 minutes wrong and I could not change it. Another one just decided to stop working. Sure, what do you expect for the price, but come on!”

by Lauren Mack

What’s your big beef about life in China?

For City Weekend blogger Jenn Wong, it’s being mistaken for a native speaker (she’s not). Check out what she has to say about it at Peking Skies. Also find out what the top 10 expat complaints actually are, what the Chinese government is doing to improve matters and blog your complaint below. Vent, it’s what the Net is for!