Toeing the line between servant and helper

I was sitting at my desk at WAB when I heard a blood-curdling squeal from outside my classroom and the dull thuds of a body being pummeled. As the ruckus hit a crescendo and curiosity turned to alarm, I rushed to see who was being murdered. Imagine my horror as I watched a 5-year old student throw himself against his locker then run at his ayi, fists flying, screaming, "You carry it!" as she tried to hand him his backpack. I was stunned. More shocking was that the abominable behavior stopped the second my head emerged from the classroom, proving to me that the child KNEW he was behaving inappropriately.

Sadly, this is not the only time I've witnessed this sort of disrespect directed toward an ayi. Since arriving in Beijing eight years ago, I've observed the full-time ayi in countless situations and the treatment and regard I’ve seen ayis receive has run the gamut from beloved family member and surrogate auntie, to little more than a glorified workhorse at the beck and call of every pint-sized tyrant in the clan.

The child in my story had obviously been taught to respect his teacher, but his ayi was another matter. The juxtaposition of his demeanor towards two different adults in his life spoke volumes to me. I realized that someone, somewhere was responsible for this child's attitude. Children are not born with an inherent disdain for hired help. If they see mommy or daddy treat the ayi as nothing more than a servant, they assume that is how ayis should be treated. In many households, the ayi is considered “family” and treated as such, but I’ve seen instances where parents demand their ayis trail after their kids, doing everything for them, getting no more than a sneer, let alone a “thank you” in return. (Yes, you know who you are!)

Do we parents really need to be reminded of our duty to instill in our kids the value of respect for others, including those who spend a significant part of their lives caring for us? Yes, they are paid to do a job, but that alone does mean that they should be treated like an indentured servant. We have an obligation to set examples of kindness and regard when dealing with people, especially with the ayis we hire to take care of our children.

-Kristen Billings