Keeping pets in Beijing is a real struggle

Something strange is happening in our house. It’s become a twilight zone for pets. Truly. In our three and a half years in Beijing we’ve flushed an entire school of fish to a watery grave—including suicidal Mr Fish—and said goodbye to two turtles (released after a bout of icky family tummy bugs), a tadpole (evaporated into thin air), a cicada (adopted by our ayi after eight hours of incessant screeching), and Sam the Cricket, who was released one night after it was decided that his early wakeup call was intolerable and he would be much happier devouring the bushes at the base of our building.

Since Sam’s departure, my daughter Ella has re-dressed her relentless begging for a rabbit. It’s a little mind-warping, actually. I almost thought about relenting, but after visiting the bunny of a neighbour, trapped sadly in a cage on the kitchen floor, I’ve gone into shutdown mode again. Not even a hamster would make the cut.

Look, I grow as enamoured with puppies, freshly hatched chicks and belly rolls on a seal as much as the next person—I just don’t want them inside cages, inside the house. The reasons are many and include the fact that we don’t have a grassy backyard, a hen house or an arctic ocean in our apartment. It’s also the fact that owning a pet in Beijing can be far too fleeting, is fraught with too many health issues (just ask ICVS) and, frankly, I’m a sook. I can’t bear the thought of leaving a pet in Beijing or having to flush it—especially if it isn’t a fish.

Then there’s the We-promise-we’ll-look-after-it factor. Ha! Yeah right. And don’t forget the claustrophobic cages, poop-coated newspaper, slimy water bowls, questionable smells, great escapes (the idea of a parallel world of feral gerbils under our sofa haunts me), and, of course, the hair that scratches my lungs and turns my eyeballs into bloodshot, watering cesspits … Um, thanks but I think I’ll pass.

It all just makes my teeth clench and my lips curl back. A lot like a dog, really. Oh, the irony.

Tania McCartney