A life lesson in wiping your own bottom

First off, “My son won’t use the toilet at school because he doesn’t know how to clean himself without his ayi, could you go with him next time?” is no way to end a day of teaching rambunctious kindergarteners. As a teacher, I’ve had some pretty out-there requests, but, uh, sorry, no, I will not be wiping your 6-year-old's bottom for him.

Sadly, the fact that I was utterly dumbfounded by this fully capable child who had been so needlessly crippled by his parents' outrageous indulgences was only met with an even more startling request: “Perhaps, the ayi could wait at school until he has to go so she could help him?” Believe me, I don't want the child going home in pain, after waiting an entire day to make a potty run, (yes, it's true) but give me a break! I kindly suggested that the mom teach the poor thing the wonders of toilet paper. Fast forward 10 years and I doubt that the 16-year-old will feel too cool with his ayi running after him, fists full of t.p., waiting to tidy him up!

Those of us rearing children in our deceptively safe expat bubbles need to become hyper-aware of the pitfalls of having an ayi. Many ayis are uncomfortable disciplining expat children, fearing that doing so will result in a one-way ticket out the door. Yet, the fact remains that children thrive with boundaries and require opportunities to do things on their own. Show me a child who can wipe his own rear end and I’ll show you a future world leader!

So, how do we encourage independence in our children? And how do we help our ayis to develop the confidence to train our children to behave in acceptable ways and develop the self-awareness to care for themselves?

I really liked the idea that one of the readers of my last blog had of creating a behavior chart for children who resist accepting their ayi as an authority figure. Customized to suit your parenting style, it would empower the ayi with a management tool as well as specific outcomes to focus on when dealing with the kids. This may help your ayi to develop a rapport with the kids while ultimately, giving her the confidence to assert herself without fear of reproval.

-Kristen Billings