Beijing Pop Festival
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- City Weekend
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On Sept. 8-9, Rock for China presents the marquee event of the musical calendar. Beijing Pop Festival is back this year with a bigger and better and way punker line up than last year. Get this, the organizers have booked in Nine Inch Nails, Public Enemy, The New York Dolls, Marky Ramone, Bret Anderson from Suede, Cui Jian and Russia's most popular rock group. And that doesn't even begin to include the excellent Chinese bands on the undercard. It is, quite simply, unmissable.
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I'm gonna just do something spectacular here and COMBINE those two suggestions in my answer. To wit: After the show, me and the boyz hop into a limo which we drive to the nearest time machine, picking up a couple bottles of baijiu on the way. We hop into the time machine, travel back in time to me in high school. It's my junior year and the kids at school have just found out that I take ballroom dance lessons and that I once won an award for the fox trot. They call me Ballroom. That's right, Ballroom. And so me and the boyz show up in the cafeteria and then...ummm...we all have lunch together. And I'm suddenly king of the school. Ballroom King of the School. YEeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh booooyyyyeeeeee!
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.... After-party @ 2 Kolegas 两个好朋友
SUNDAY, Sept. 9 .... 10pm-late (after NIN's gig)
ANTIDOTE - http://www.cityweekend.com.cn/beijing/events/10812/
Live electronic-punk, EBM-Industrial, Goth, synth, 8-bit madness.
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1 XiaLi each: Flavor Flav’s would have a bassy soundsystem and leopard-fur seats.Reznor’s car would be covered in nails, with a skull-shaped gearknob and leather seats.Cui Jian’s Xiali would have a bust of Mao on the front, with the inside decked out in Cultural Revolution memorabilia.Joey Ramone’s Xiali would have a fridge full of JD and a multi-coloured mohawk on the roof.We rev up the cars and move to our first destination of the night–Sanlitun Bar street.Whilst Flavor goes off to score some dope,I take Trent,Cui Jian and the Ramones guy on a short tour of Beijing’s classiest bar–Kai,where I’d instigate a shotdrinking competition between legends of rock Cui Jian and Mr Ramone. After 20 shots,I predict Cui Jian to be breakdancing to Haddaway in Shooters whilst Mr Ramone is just warming up.Reznor would be outside,making friends with the pre-pubescent customers by playfully hitting them with a plastic chair. Once flavor Flav has scored and returns with a big grin on his face,I’d check realise its about time to move on.Next stop:Suzy Wongs.The music is too fast for Flav,too girly for Trent and too modern for Mr Ramone,and Cui Jian is so drunk he can’t hear it.Unfortunately all girls present seem to be with fat older businessmen in suits with their wife and kids at home.So, I’d suggest refuelling on some quesadillas at the Rickshaw and would suggest Mr Ramone to do an impromptu duet with a sobering-up Cui Jian.Trent Reznor gets jealous of the attention they are getting and pulls Flav onto the bar for an attention-grabbing dance.We all get kicked out by the slightly monkey-like manager of Rickshaw.Next stop Nanjie, but only after pulling some donuts on the car park in our Xialis. Unfortunately, we’d arrive to be told that the place is about to be torn down and that we only have 30 minutes time. I’d suggest a game of “Never have I ever”, which I’d expect either Ramone of Flavor Flav to win, but surprisingly Cui Jian would win and would celebrate by balancing a flaming Lamborghini cocktail on his famous hat,only for the wrecking ball to come flying through the roof, knocking the drink all over Ramone’s beautifully coiffed hair.Once again,I’d suggest that we move on and we’d take a bottle each of Sambuca to numb the pain on the way to the next destination:I’d decide that something more classy is in order and we’d cruise to Lan Club for an overpriced pick-me-up. Reznor would go mad to hear that there is a service charge for the 15 Berry Mohitos he just had.By this time,Flav would be looking upset that he was unable to get any ladies thus far, so I suggest that the Bank might be busy. A bottle or two of Champagne later, the boys are on the dancefloor. However, none of the girls present believes that the boys are who they say they are,as they forgot their namecards.They would be unable to convince the girls,so I’d whisk them up and send them on their way to their final destination for the night:Maggies.I think they’d enjoy that.
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First I would go to one of those places where old chinese couples go in the evenings to dance under the bridge and I would leave Marky Ramone there to find a date for the weekend. He would dance the nite away to one of the ramone’s classic songs: Chinese rock! what else?? Then I we would continue our tour to sanlitun where our Public Enemy will make some extra cash by selling some things he brought from back home, guarded by our Cui Jian who -in the meantime- got some chinese security uniform for himself, keeping troubles out of our way. Later on we move to lady’s street, where Trend Reznor gives a free gig for all the American workers performing “I’m afraid of Americans” and trying not to get his ass kicked. Last but not least the four of us go to a nice, local KTV bar, singing classics like Hotel California (performed by Marky!), Hey Jud (gothic-industrial version sung by Trend) and a powerful rock version of that…whatever…crappy chinese song originally sung by a kid with his/her parents.. and we’d ganbai the hell out of each other.
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First order of business would be to pull the old gang together...so first stop a little cafe on Gui Jie to call forth the spirits of the long and newly departed. Looking at the ghostly menu we spy an entree that looks like it may do the trick. "One Track Mind" noodles and spikes, the favorite dish of Johnny Thunders, lost to the New York Dolls when he became a Heartbreaker. The two remaining members, make Poindexter's out of them selves and try and find the memory of a vein. On to the next dish, the glue sniffer's guo bao rou, prepared to resurrect Joey, Joey and Dee Dee, the stick figure Ramone who fronted for so long and the others who balanced out the dish with a leather jacket flavor. Marky now living in the airwaves instead of playing on it, is heard to invite all to a New York frame of mind.
After a quick dinner we head to the gui jie pet shop to perform a rubber bone seance for the favorite pet of Reznor, his dog who leaped from a stadium breezeway when he was playing Frisbee with Trent. The one true friend that Trent had at that time is welcomed with a new Frisbee and a bigger than unusual dog bowl of bao zi, sans the cardboard, and a "Better Red than dead" collar with a dog tag so that if he is lost again he can find his way back from the after life. Flavor Flav keeps checking his watch to insure that the hour doesn't grow late as he has to keep on his toes keeping track of the reality biz, of which he has been riding the wave of notoriety, but can be seen occasionally seeking some guidance and searching for his sound by repeating those words most of us Public E's wannabees want to hear..."where is Terminator X". Cui Jian keeps it all real by stating the age old wisdom of the Chinese masters "Chi Fan Le Ma".... and loading all the guest, the quick and the dearly departed" into his "drop top" convertible given to him by ZZ Top head to cruise the miracle "ring road" mile around the forbidden city taking in the sites.
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Hey, Ho! We go eat dim sum then go and wake up the birds in Jinshan Park.
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"DESTROY"afterparty!!! no..first go drink somewhere, mabe right on the street and put some music ofcourse..shout and sreem, scare people and destroy))) and after the police shose up... I say that its to late my mom just called and i have to go home sleep))
P.S. Dont take it serios)
P.P.S mabe it's just my dream..
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After two days doing it up big in the north capital, my boys need a change of scenery. BJ just ain't big enough for all of them, and the Olympics and Tiananmen are overrated anyway, so we hop the first jet down here to Shanghai, where Flavor Flav gets to host the first installment of his latest reality show, "The Flava of Bund Love", where gold diggin' hotties line up at Bar Rouge, Glamour and Attica to get a taste of Flava's bankroll, and if you don't know, then "google google google". YEAAAAHHH, BOOOYYYY!! We then take Trent Reznor to fight the system at Live Bar and Yuyintang, while I reminisce with him over my VERY FIRST ROCK CONCERT, NIN and David Bowie, and discuss the changes in drug use and politics in the 90s. Cui Jian by now will be rocking an unplugged concert on the street, getting in touch with the people, and Marky Ramone will be leading an impromptu jam session in the Lab or the Dungeon. We then reconvene at a early morning KTV session with all the ladies we picked up along the way, and afterwards get them some congee and a cup of joe before i put them on a plan back to Beijing without pissing off any promoters, managers, publicists, or significant others. On the plane on the way back they will all write City Weekend autographed thank you letters for all the great memories.
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Take em to Shanghai and show them what the hype is all about. No party like a Shanghai party!
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Having to go to prom with my brother. THAT was weird.
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Why did i just hallucinate that i was supposed to comment on my most angst ridden teenage moment? Derrr ... anyway, shouldn't a few bottle of whiskey and "other stuff" do the trick? after that, we'd be crunk and shenanigan-ready for a nice air guitar jam session at my house :) Clearly, I would be the life of the party...
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I meet the guys backstage after Saturday's show, with the smile of a seasoned tour guide, the style of a Beijing pop princess and the eyes of a woman on a mission. How could they resist? However, there is one man missing. We get on the horn to Jason Magnus and he quickly arrives, rider in tow. Reznor knows he has to perform the next day so asks if we can keep it low key. The old boys are playing right into my hands. You see, I have no interest in a debaucherous evening, albeit with some guys who I’m sure we’d all like to party with, but rather wish to take advantage of my situation to get these guys who; wield a little power on the international circuit, who have loud voices and connections to even louder voices, to listen to some stories of Chinese NGOs and persuade them to get involved in some funding and promotional events.
We decide to head to a fave little bar of mine, way down south and away from the bright lights and bustle of this big city. The boys are impressed when we hire bikes and cycle past some places of interest on the way; soaring past Tian’men and the Forbidden City, hoping that Marky doesn’t fall off again, and wondering when Flavour Flav will stop trying to fashion the front tyre of his bicycle into a necklace.
We arrive at last, worn out from the ride and ready to relax with some tunes. Cui Jian finds his way to the stereo and chooses some experimental rock for our listening pleasure before picking up a few cups of dice. When the last man is seated, tucking into his QingDao, and the first game of dice has begun, I get down to business. Magnus looks a little miffed at first- as its been a struggle for him to get these guys here- I’m not sure he really wants them poached for public service announcements, but he understands how important a link to the pop festival could be for my organisation and cracks a smile at last agreeing to also play a part in arranging sponsorship for us. The boys are responsive and we pencil up a plan of action. As I’d misled them about a crankin’ Saturday night, I promise a night of madness for the following evening. They decline and instead suggest a walk through the ruins near my home and more discussions on poverty alleviation. I wonder what the other rock stars are doing today?
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With the amazing four guys and their limo, here's what we would do: Fist off, we would head west to Houhai. I would let Flava Flav hang his clock on my neck as we stroll by the lake and through the hutongs. We head to la Baie des Anges, where we fuel up on some yummy baguette and other French delicacies, and chat. I imagine intense conversation about the old school days and new trends in music. Cui Jian would be asking lots of questions, as he often does, trying to get some new inspiration. As we leave Houhai, who knows, we might even join the ballroom and line-dancing that takes place in front of the north gate. Trent would be my guy for that. Then we would go to i-Ultra Lounge for some excellent Green Tea martinis. We would of course make sure Flava Flav teaches us some of his slick moves. If they're no too exhausted from performing and dancing the night away with me, I would take them to Suzie Wong's and show them how real partying is done in Beijing.
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After all these performers come off stage I'd take them to a "march of pigs" while telling them all "don't believe the hype!" a march isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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Drinking cool beer at SHI CHA HAI.
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My most angst-ridden moment (year, actually) came, matter of fact, during the release of Nine Inch Nails’ The Downward Spiral album back in 1994, which has made it one of my all-time favorites. A bad breakup with an unfaithful girlfriend made my coming-of-age somewhat unbearable; to this day I can’t discuss it without launching into a profanity-laced invective. However, with The Downward Spiral, I found I wasn't alone. Trent Reznor's songs of love and hate were really all I listened to the entire year and made for good background music while hurting. “Lose me, hate me, smash me, erase me” (from ‘Eraser’) pretty much summed up how I felt at the time, while versus like "You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me" (‘Heresy’) offered a bit of emotional empowerment. They say misery loves company, and really, what would I have done without Trent?
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The scene is now set for Flavor Fav, Trent Reznor, Cui Jian and that guy from the Ramones to be unleashed upon beijing and its incandescant extasy filled night life. The very first thing on their agenda would be to meet me their Number one fan/guide. This will not be a difficult task as I would be waiting for the guys with with a flourescent colooured hip hop styled neck brace for Flavor fav as im sure he'll have given a performance so mind altering that men, women and children in a 20 mile radious will weep tears of content. The neck brace will be for the trauma sustained to his neck from the weight of his ridiculously fashionable clock that so elegantly dangles off his chain. With flavor fav recovering at a faster pace from his heart felt performance the party can begin. We will first kick it off with a number of intoxicating drinks and a bit of a dance in a number of outlets in the magical party area of san li tun. Taking in the spectacular Beijing streets I will try my best to take the route less plagued by dragon-like, moneyless hungry street urchins. Now the early part of the morning im sure most of the gang will need an energy boost to keep going until sunrise. Knowing that the street venders are world renound for offering you cheap afordable refreshing foods that are in no way shape or form likely to give you such terrible bowl movements that you'll be lucky if you have any bones left . I buy the guys an energy boosting snack and we're ready for another push into the into the extasy filled core of Beijing. Now on to the cherry on the icing of the cake we mount our trusty Tuk tuks (Beijing safest transport) and speed off to our next location of Tian an men square. When we're sat comfortably in the very middle of the square gazing over the vivid red silk flags that are china's pride and glory we will see the beautiful chinese sun rise up through the billowing clouds of smog giving it an almost purple tint. Most of the guys will be crying tears of absolute love for this great and honorable city at this point. Trent may mention the terrible attrocities that may have ocurred here, then I will ruthlessly deny them and he also will give into the beauty and cry upon my shoulder like the others . It may not be legal for a group of freedom rockers and rappers of whom have voiced their opinions to the masses on countless occasions to be in the same place at once in this particular location. This might mean that we will come under a heavey barrage of gunfire at this point I will sheild my musical brothers by hurling my intoxicated body in front of the hail of bullets.
They will always remember the city that their trusted friend whom guided them. They will never forget.
BEIJING
play "dont you forget about me" here.
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Partying with the likes of Flavor Flav, Trent Reznor, Cui Jian and Joey Ramone means that we'll be rolling big and calling out all the stops. So none other than S1W (Security of the First World) will be out in force, taking care of, well, security. Classic black uniforms and outfitted with replica Uzis, these guys will be something to mess with as the boys and I hit the streets in a caravan of Rolls-Royce limos ta boot. After that, all we gotta do is bust out the champagne, 二锅头, Vladimir Vodka, and let the night unfold.
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I'd grab all the rock music i have in beijing (30gigs) rent the biggest limousine i could find, fill it up with all the scotch and beer neccesary for an excessive night like this and take them on a cruise through beijings streets at night. There's nothing like sight seeing in a limo at night. If they're in beijing after all they have to check out the city. After that i would look up on cityweekend.com.cn to find a good venue (or several) to top off the night. Preferebly in some small place with excellent music from the local scene!!! MAybe D22 or the get lucky bar... they do have German beer there after all!!! Hohai would be another great idea. Chilling on a roof looking down at the lake...And not to forget. Those poor lads are probably hungry, after a weekend of concerts, so i would take them out to a nice restaurant here. Sichuan is probably too spicy, so maybe some "yunnan fan" or i could scare them with some original "guandong fan" ..hehe no offence there.. in the end we would all just have a blast here!!
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Step one: find some white girls for Flava Flav. Preferably chubby. Step two: find cocaine for Trent Reznor. A lot of cocaine... Step three: find a solid gold toilet for Cui Jian. Step four: find some white girls, some coke, and a golden toilet for the guy from the Ramones. There you go
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Congratulations to tomcarter, Tashengka and Chameleon for scoring tickets to this year's Pop Festival!
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It's you, Flavor Fav, Trent Reznor, Cui Jian and the guy from the Ramones. They just got off stage and it's Saturday night in Beijing. What's the party plan?
Or, describe your most angst-ridden teenage moment.