wechat sharing

Don't Believe The Type: On Self-Expression

Guest columnist Scholastica Tanyi on gender roles

 

Sometimes it feels like I jumped out of one box into another. Coming out  first as bisexual (because it seemed to be an easier pill for my Bible Belt family to swallow), and then again as a lesbian, I felt a sense of freedom to finally be who I am entirely. That is, until I found myself in the LGBTQIA box within a box, within another box. Don’t get me wrong, I have massive support from groups like LQ, a Shanghai lesbian community and ground spots like lesbian bar Roxie, but sometimes I find that I get the third degree, mostly from people within my own community. It all began with a very cute English girl that I thought I was just fond of.

 

One day, in the middle of a laowai bar I had my first Katy Perry moment: I kissed a girl, and I liked it. After that, I dabbled but did not take myself seriously until I fell head over heels for a co-worker. This was when I came out to myself and started to navigate a whole new world with a whole new set of labels. 

 

I generally come off as feminine. I love a good low shirt to show off the twins, long stiletto nails, a perfect face of make-up and wigs to switch up my look. I’m pretty much a drag queen in a biological woman’s body. I loved to climb trees and roll around in the mud as most southern gals do, and beyond that, I embrace my more dominant side. But under all that glitz and glam, I always considered myself a tomboy and have long embraced my more dominant side. I like to call myself a “gentlewoman”— courteous and attentive toward any woman I’m dating or otherwise. 

 

Despite how I felt on the inside, because of my outward appearance, I found that more masculine women were generally attracted to me. I went with it because I thought it was the “right” thing to do and that it looked “natural.” Of course, now I understand that thought process was just social conditioning, and I probably wasn’t as progressive as I thought I was. It wasn’t until my first girlfriend, who dresses feminine sometimes and more masculine at others, that I began to tackle those problematic beliefs. 

 

Because of her line of work she wore very masculine clothing, like sweatpants and sneakers. We would only really hang out after work so I only ever saw her in that element but on our first date, I went to her apartment to pick her up and she was in a sparkly, flesh-toned dress with heels. It threw me for a total loop. She was beautiful. But, oddly enough, I was a bit turned off.

 

My heart always feels masculine, but I don’t feel I have to always express it in my outward appearance. After the initial shock, the night went on and I was still totally head over heels, despite the fact that she was wearing heels. From time to time, she would wear sportswear and at times she’d wear lace and frills. She told me that sometimes she felt masculine and at other times she felt feminine. I did not absorb what she meant entirely until a few years later when I realized I felt the same.

 

After telling the girl I’m currently dating that I need more masculine clothes, she said that I would be too “T” or tomboy. I was shocked seeing as how when we first met, I presented myself in that way. However, once she got to know my feminine side, she liked that more, which is nice, but I am not willing to change myself for anyone. This “type” stuff is all hype. 
If you have the pleasure to find someone that treats you like a magical unicorn and thinks the world of you and has your best interests at heart, how they choose to present themselves shouldn’t matter.  

 

--
Follow us on WeChat:
read more city weekend shanghai

TAG Lgbeat LGBT

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

question mark lgbeat pic

By: Powerpufffgrrlzz -

LGBeat: Closet Case
This month's LGBeat columnist on the frustrations of dating those who may not completely be out of the closet. 
Read More
community lgbeat get your pride on pic

By: Powerpufffgrrlzz -

LGBeat: Get Your Pride On
Your guide to pride in Shanghai. 
Read More
rainbow cracks

By: Powerpufffgrrlzz -

LGBeat: Fixing the Patches in the Queer Community
Ian McKellen is wearing leather: tight black pants with mud stains that suggest he spends a lot of time on his knees. We're at a reception for him in Shanghai. Keenly experienced in LGBT rights,...
Read More
shanghai lgbt drag king

By: Powerpufffgrrlzz -

LGBeat: Drag For All
What metric are we even using to determine what male impersonation looks like?
Read More

Comments

Comments

alexphilips

Awesome article. I’m most definitely interest in this one. I am in reality happy with article quality and direction. This post is spot on in informative how some ideology applies to any script location. Thanks a lot for preservation huge stuff. I am extremely a good deal grateful used intended for this place. Thanks a lot for protection massive things.<a href="https://essaysthatwins.com/">Essay writing service reviews</a> will help you to write best essays.
Download App Now
Select your device platform and get download started
Add & Promote an Event
Tell everybody what's going on. FREE.

You've reached the limit of allowed deals. For more information

Contact us

You've reached the limit of allowed housing listing. For more information

Contact us