Used to be that after a heavy night of drinking, the evening would spiral out of control, resulting in a good, old fashioned bar brawl. Nothing major, just boys being boys, jerks being jerks, fists flying, bottles breaking, bar-stools being tossed, a little blood, a few chipped teeth, bruises, bumps, scars ... the good stuff.
Now, due to fear of deportation, it is no longer cool to throw down.
So, where does a self-respecting adrenaline junky go for a death-defying good time after a few too many these days?
Turns out Shanghai has plenty of options My first idea is to head to the
indoor karting track, down some brews and prepare for head trauma, but a previous effort to glamorize drinking and driving was thwarted by my editor so, instead, I race to the [Yinqixing Indoor Ski Center](http://www.cityweekend.com.cn/shanghai/listings/sports/winter_sports/has/yinqixing-indoor-skiing-site/).
Four Bud tallboys later, I arrive at the center and decide to take my first stab on the snowboard, thinking that my novice skills and inebriation may result in a mild rush: for ¥98 an hour, it better. Unfortunately, Yinqixing’s 30-degree slope and snail-paced rope-tow prove to be no challenge, completely killing any chance at the ultimate drunken thrill.
Unsatisfied, but committed to the boarding theme, my next stop is Zhabei’s [SMP Skate Park](http://www.cityweekend.com.cn/shanghai/listings/sports/skateboarding/has/smp-skate-park/). After shelling out ¥60 to get in and ¥30 for an hour’s board rental, but forgoing the additional ¥10 for a helmet, I post up with my bag of Asahi silvers, determined to get my buzz on and dive into the parks pools.
Funny thing about skateboards, they’re really hard to ride when you’re sh*tfaced, especially when you couldn’t in the first place. Degree of difficulty: 9.5. Enjoyment: 1.5. Too drunk even to balance on the moving plank, I hop in a cab for a ¥75 ride of shame to my final destination: The [Shanghai Modern Military Sports Club](http://kl.am/4h3U).
A little too sober to exercise my Second Amendment rights, I drop into [Windows Scoreboard](http://www.cityweekend.com.cn/shanghai/listings/nightlife/bars/has/windows-2005-12-23/) for a few ¥15 Tigers. Vision blurry, I’m ready to handle deadly weapons. I happen to have my passport handy and, after a 10-second registration, I’m let loose, pistol in hand.
For ¥8 a bullet, I’m finally experiencing the drunken euphoria I’ve been searching for all day. What is it about violence that’s just so invigorating?