My children, Clara and Liam, like many here, are Eurasians who likely will spend the better part of their childhood in China. I am a Chinese raised in Canada and my husband is Italian. We plan to stay here in Shanghai for an indefinite period. My children are exposed to three languages and hopefully will become trilingual.

Recently, I began thinking about what kind of self-identity my children will have with this background and living in this environment. Growing up as one of the only Asians in a very white neighborhood of Toronto, I remember struggling with my identity. In my teens, a period in which exotic is not cool, I was so self-conscious of my Chinese face that I started wearing green contacts to look more like my peers. I referred to myself as a banana: white on the inside and yellow on the outside. Living now in Shanghai, my “banana-ness” again makes me odd. I have a Chinese face and a Chinese name but I am not Chinese. I barely speak the language and act like a foreigner.

Knowing the identity confusion I have felt throughout my life, I wonder whether it will be even worse for Liam and Clara. Will they feel like outsiders wherever they live? They are growing up in China but are not really Chinese. They are half Canadian but will spend very little time in Canada. They are Italians but only experience glimpses of their father’s culture. One day, when somebody asks them where they are from, what will they say? As their mother, what can I do to help them with their self-definition?

Any thoughts?