Eight and a half years ago my husband and I were working at the same consulting firm in California. Our careers were at the exact same place and moving in the exact same direction. Then he decided to move to Shanghai to pursue other career opportunities and obviously I followed.

Becoming a trailing spouse was harder than I thought. While my husband’s career flourished in Shanghai because he could not only speak the language but also read and write, my career floundered because I could only speak English. I was pigeon holed into “English teaching” jobs. I slowly watched my $150,000 plus private Top 3 US college education go down the drain as I posted fliers in my local compound in Qibao for English tutoring services.

In This CNN article it states that when couples migrate the husband usually takes on average a $3000USD boost in salary while the women take on average a $750 loss. In my experience the loss was much more than that, but looking back, I actually gained a lot more.

Through my English tutoring jobs I realized that I really enjoyed working with children. Because I could only work in an English speaking environment, I decided to look at working in international schools. Naturally, I leaned towards the American school and was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to work there starting out as a teaching assistant. I loved teaching and enjoyed going to work everyday which I have to say was not the case at my consulting job. I ended up going back to school, obtaining my teaching credentials and became a teacher at SAS for 4 years.

Although becoming a trialing spouse did not afford me the earning potential I could have made by staying in the US, it did allow me to discover what my passion was in life and make a career out of it.

Since becoming mom in 2007, I have taken leave from my teaching job to stay home and raise the kids. Again this is something that would probably only be possible because we live in Shanghai. Due to cost of living back home, most likely we would have to be a dual income family. While there are days I am beyond exhausted and the tenth tantrum puts me over the edge, I have to say that being a stay at home mom is a privilege that I do cherish.

That’s why it’s a fine line between love and hate. There are many times that I wonder what my life would have been like had I stayed at my consulting job. Would I be a mother right now? Or would I be working my way up the corporate ladder? I know would I definitely be making more money but would that make me happier? Life is full of what-ifs and I think especially so for trailing spouses who are basically moved here and kept here not by our own choice but because of our spouse’s career.

On those hard “China” days when it seems like everything is going wrong, it’s easy to blame China and your spouse, but you have to remember the positives of having been given this experience to live in another culture. Ayis, drivers, massages, Sherpa’s, vacations in Thailand and Bali – it ain’t all bad.