We were going through the animal years, until it was suggested that there IS, no there really IS, a Year Of The Giraffe. No? Alright then, you have the endless discussion with a little girl about it and then see what conclusion you draw.

To change the subject as abruptly as was also necessary after that discussion: I love zombie films.

This is for one reason – I’m not too keen on the way that the ethics and moral values of the city are heading, and I like the idea of waking up with an empty, people-less city to play with (aside the zombie dodging, of course). No more “see how I am intrinsically better than you because I drive a reasonably expensive car that my parents bought?”, no more listening to how every single person has a “table at M1NT tonight”, no more horror stories about how every single thing that you eat has been coated with radio-active pig poo.

So, rather than escape the cold that infuses itself into every single molecule of the city, so that you still feel cold even when you feel warm, I encourage you to stay here over Chinese New Year and enjoy the same Zombie-film experience; no, not being surrounded by people who keep bumping into you, can't understand what you're saying and eat quite strange meat: I mean, a completely empty city.

Sure, you could go to sunny and confused Australia (‘we have all the space and resources in the world but are somehow under threat from skilled immigrants’) or neighbor New Zealand / The Shire, or you could go to the beautiful Philippines (photo above from Shangri La Boracay) – if only to visit the red light area of Manila and it’s one bar, quite brilliantly named: ‘Bottoms’.

But with the Shanghainese’ most favourite thing in the world – the non-Shanghainese leaving the city for a few weeks – you will have more space to go places with your little nippers and their little bottoms.

Popular play places will be emptier – no need to sneer at every cougher and sneezer.

Then when everyone comes back - then go away for 3 weeks to any country in the world in which a common hobby is NOT slowly walking across a dark, unlit road, in the rain, wearing all black clothes. It will be stress-relieving.

Recommendations of the month:

January family restaurant of the month: Chloe’s

Tip of the month: Toilets. If you are out with your wee one who needs a wee, note where the 5 star hotels are. In their lobby, there will be a disabled toilet that seems literally unused. For example if in IFC or Superbrand Mall, Ritz-Carlton or Shangri-La respectively will be ideal clean toilets for small ones to use. Or you, if you understandably aren’t keen on some people’s concept of what is not revoltingly disgusting.

Fat Dad Countdown: Caliburger opening is but a week away

Tables in Portman Ritz-Carlton used to be empty and crappy. Last year or so, they renovated and I can honestly say that it is a really nice buffet with excellent service now. They have a special running now – and trust me on this,, their chocolate ganache-y cake dessert is one of the best chocolate experiences in the city.

And finally, here is the large bottomed list of things to do over CNY, compiled by our very own large-bottomed ladies. Wow I'm going to get in trouble for that.