Liam, my not yet 2 ½ year old son, has a good soul. He is a generous, sweet, funny, loving little guy. But, to my chagrin, he has recently developed a very disturbing aggressive streak. He will push and even hit other children –usually during a battle for some coveted toy.

So far, my discipline efforts have been largely unsuccessful. I make him say “sorry” to his victims each time. He does this happily and willingly. My careful explanations of why his conduct was wrong are met with a sincere nod. When I tell him that we will leave the playground (school, play date, etc.), he happily agrees: “Yes, let’s go home, Mommy.” If I take away the toy, he just finds another one. When I give him a time out in the corner, even with an angry, stern voice, he takes his punishment like a man and goes back to play. Inevitably, there will be another battle and crying kid. I will not go so far as to spank him or use any violence as it is against my parenting philosophy. I believe that violence only begets more violence.

This new development embarrasses me as a mother to no end. I never thought that Liam would be the kid that other mothers “tsk tsk” about. In Liam’s defense, sometimes he was the first one playing with the toy and was arguably right in fighting to keep it. In one instance, I saw him defend himself without fear against a scary, older bully in the playground. Admittedly, I was secretly proud that one time. Nevertheless, to be consistent, I have punished him whether he was the defender or instigator.

What can I do to stop Liam from being such a little bully? Is it just a phase of which he will naturally grow out? Will sending him off to preschool help solve the problem? Will my consistent efforts to teach him eventually pay off? Do I always punish him for fighting even if he was defending himself? How can I teach a little baby the fine line between self-defense and aggression?

Any advice would be appreciated.