Getting your kids to behave while maintaining your sanity

As any parent who has been to the Bastiaan Bakery knows, the bunnies outside are a great hit with the kids. I was having lunch there the other day and couldn’t help but notice the little boy to my left who kept screaming to get the bunnie’s attention. At first the mother gave a shy knowing smile, like I’m so sorry my child is screaming in your ear but he just loves those bunnies. I smiled back as it didn’t really bother me. However as the bunnies just sat there, as most bunnies do, the little boy couldn’t seem to understand why they weren’t moving and his screams got louder and louder and louder. Finally, his mother came over and reprimanded him quite harshly for the screaming. This in turn created more screaming, so his mother then let him go back and scream at the bunnies. Again, as his screams became too loud, she again tried taking him away. The poor little fellow was so confused on what he could do and couldn’t do that it turned quickly into a big meltdown and defeated the mother and child left, both without eating their food.

For many parents, we know this situation all too well. As a parent we constantly make mistakes and try to figure out what works and what doesn’t. This falls in the discipline category as well. However, discipline is one area where consistency is key. Renee Thomas, mother of three and former social worker from the US, states “One of the biggest mistakes parents make in discipline is inconsistency. A child will become confused on what is and is not acceptable behavior creating more frustration which leads to more outbursts.” As the example above illustrates, the little boy wasn’t sure if he could scream at the bunnies as he got reprimanded for it, then was allowed to do it, then got reprimanded again.

It all sounds easy, but when you’re sleep deprived, stressed, and anxious, it’s easy to slip into “Just-in-time” disciplinarian role and use whatever technique will work in that instant. Thomas recommends for parents to try and “stay calm. Breathe and count to ten, then approach the problem with a calm voice. If you seem anxious, then your child will pick up on that and become more anxious. Children are sponges and learn from their parents, by maintaining a calm presence this will set an example for your child to follow.”

Thomas gives 3 main problems that parents often encounter when trying to discipline their kids.

1. Imbalance – sometimes parents feel that they have been too harsh on their kids, therefore, they try to balance it out with being too soft the second time around. This confuses the child as they aren’t sure what to expect.
2. Good cop, bad cop – Some parents like to play the good parent and the bad parent. Saying things such as, “Just wait until your father gets home.” This paints the other parent in a very bad light and has the child acting out of fear around that parent.
3. Inconsistency as mentioned above. In the end what Thomas recommends is that parents should also stay the same course. Kids thrive on expectation and routine. By creating a routine where the kids know what the boundaries are they know what they can do and what they cannot.

Parenting is tough, probably the hardest job we’ll ever have. Add on the pressures of work, marriage, and trying to also maintain some semblance of your own life, it’s easy to stress out when your child is misbehaving. Knowing that you’re not the minority but rather the majority will hopefully give you some support next time you’re dealing with a potential meltdown or discipline situation.