It may be hard to believe, but there are people out there willing to put aside their desire for a superlative sofa and luxurious loft in the city to share their genetics with the world of the future and have a kid. The notion of having gaybies, though foreign to me, is the ultimate desire for some gayers, and, really, why shouldn’t it be? A compilation of nine studies presented to the American Academy of Pediatrics conference in 2005 indicated that children from same sex couples perform the same as their peers. On top of this, the effort required by gay parents to procreate implies their babies may have a better shot at life than tykes produced from unwanted hetero pregnancies. But what are the options?

Adoption
First up is adoption. The largest problem for potential gay adoptive parents is legality. China is completely out of the question and options are limited elsewhere, with only 14 countries worldwide granting full adoption rights to same-sex couples (mostly in Northern Europe and South America). But assuming more countries don’t wise up and let gay couples adopt, here are your alternatives:

For Girls
For the Gals. All you need to do is find some man-juice, pick who’s going to be the oven and get your swirl on. To implant Mommy A’s egg doused with designer sperm into either Mommy A’s or Mommy B’s oven costs at least RMB15,000 per cycle in China (it’s more in other countries or at a foreign clinic). A cheaper alternative would be the RMB100 for the bottle of vodka it would take to get your gay best friend drunk enough to stick it in you. Then, of course, there is the turkey-baster method, which is only effective if you move fast since sperm only last a few minutes outside a human body.

For Boys
For the boys. You, your partner or both (so she can be just like Rachel Berry from “Glee” and not know for sure) use your seed to plant some crops in a willing lady. You can either phone a REALLY good friend or go the commercial route and rent a womb. Parental bliss by these means is fraught with legal issues however, and depending on the jurisdiction can lead to sticky entanglements. A lesbian lawyer I spoke with recommended relying on someone you trust or making sure you have enough money to buy your way out of legal grief.

At the end of the day, you need to be ready in mind, body and bank account to consider a gayby. There are options out there. Just do me a favor and make sure you Scotchgard the sofa.

What problems, legal or otherwise, do you face as a member of Shanghai’s LGBT community? Leave your comments below.