Valentine’s has never been my holiday. I’ve spent any number of Feb. 14s with friends drinking ourselves to the point that we think we don’t need love, then hugely over-tipping waiters we were all desperately flirting with the entire meal. Couples have it easy: pretend you care about dinner and drinks before making your neighbors wish the compound had thicker walls. Singles are the ones who need Valentine’s advice, so here are my suggestions for homos alone this Feb. 14.

The Love Sucks Dinner

Get all your single besties tarted up in their fanciest duds, and head to one of the finest restaurants in town to wile away the evening with aphrodisiac menus and martinis meant for two. This is great on any budget. Get lavish some place like Mr. and Mrs. Bund where all the fun you and your friends are having will remind the couples what they are missing. Or dress up the same at your local dumpling shop and make your neighbors wonder why all the laowai are dressed strangely this week. This is a great option and leads easily to drinks (see below). And who knows, maybe you and one of your single friends may cross the line to become more than friends on the most auspicious of nights. I mean, it would make a great story for the kids, adopted, surrogated or otherwise.

The Bars

I worked in F&B for years, and after St. Patrick’s Day and the day before Thanksgiving, Valentine’s was one of our biggest nights of the year for liquor sales. I’m not talking about Champagne cocktails paired with tasting menus for two. I’m talking hard up liquor. Everyone—whether with someone or not—has a reason to drink on Valentine’s, so join them. I recommend the age-old fruit loop of chasing tail from Eddie’s to Studio to Dubai, though you might also fancy a stop at Craft, that vodka bar tucked away on Donghu Lu―it’s definitely been tripping my gaydar lately unless straight guys have gone metro again and no one told me.

The Internet

Speaking of gaydar, you can always find a myriad of other singles online not fussed enough to get dressed when their clothes will inevitably end up in a pile on their newest paramour’s floor. We all know the drill here. My only suggestion is to keep mentions of what day it is to a minimum, so as not to remind anyone of what’s going on in the outside world. Though isn’t that always the case?

Regardless of what you end up doing, best of luck! I will be out trying mine, and trying to keep the sarcasm at a level where I don’t sound too bitter … oh wait, too late.

Are you gay and single in Shanghai? Where will you be this Valentine's Day?