Same-sex daters in Shanghai may occasionally be heard complaining about the lack of options for ladies and gentlemen of our persuasion. Anyone who has traveled or lived overseas can attest to the fact that for a city of its size, Shanghai doesn’t do nearly as much as a city half its size on other continents. However, Shanghai is at the forefront of social development for LGBT-friendly communities in China. Living in a first-tier city, we easily forget that there are plenty of gays young and old living in second-tier cities that, burgeoning populations aside, have far fewer, if any, alternative options. So what do people do in those other cities do to find their fun? Many end up migrating to Shanghai in search of personal and professional fulfillment.

My collection of gay and lesbian friends in Ningbo is a small but active group of fun-loving expats who, despite frequent visits, can’t make it to Shanghai every weekend. “[In Ningbo] you have to take advantage of the accessibility to the countryside,” says a foreign friend who moved to Ningbo from Shanghai for work. “While there aren’t nearly the same LGBT-friendly offerings as Shanghai, I enjoy the quiet time I am able to spend with my boyfriend who is from the area. That said, I still get excited by all the tall buildings in Shanghai.”

I spoke with a friend from Dongbei who recently arrived in our metropolitan mecca. He speculated that he wasn’t alone in coming to Shanghai for a better life. “I came here for a better job and a boyfriend,” he said after a few drinks at the Studio. “It’s easier to find both here.” Life in a small northern city was too dull, he complained, and “there weren’t places to meet other gays.”

The most common complaints trickling in from the hinterland revolve around the sentiment that there are no other gays and nowhere to go, so most of their time is spent searching for connections online, where it becomes clear that larger cities offer more options and opportunity.

I tip my hat to Beijing for its recent pride festivities, but as a Shanghai loyalist, I wager our festivities this October will be the fête to remember. “Beijing is the political capital, but Shanghai owns the night” is a favorite saying of one old queen.

While we do not yet have the same scene as Berlin, New York or Buenos Aires, it seems that the best way to live gay in the Middle Kingdom is to find your way to Shangay for work or for the weekend to join up with the growing queer community.

What problems do you face as a member of Shanghai’s LGBT community? Leave your comments here.