Used to be that after a heavy night of drinking, the evening would spiral out of control, resulting in a good, old fashioned bar brawl. Nothing major, just boys being boys, jerks being jerks, fists flying, bottles breaking, bar-stools being tossed, a little blood, a few chipped teeth, bruises, bumps, scars ... the good stuff.
Now, due to fear of deportation, it is no longer cool to throw down. So, where does a self-respecting adrenaline junky go for a death-defying good time after a few too many these days?
Turns out Shanghai has plenty of options My first idea is to head to the indoor karting track, down some brews and prepare for head trauma, but a previous effort to glamorize drinking and driving was thwarted by my editor so, instead, I race to the Yinqixing Indoor Ski Center.
Four Bud tallboys later, I arrive at the center and decide to take my first stab on the snowboard, thinking that my novice skills and inebriation may result in a mild rush: for ¥98 an hour, it better. Unfortunately, Yinqixing’s 30-degree slope and snail-paced rope-tow prove to be no challenge, completely killing any chance at the ultimate drunken thrill.
Unsatisfied, but committed to the boarding theme, my next stop is Zhabei’s SMP Skate Park. After shelling out ¥60 to get in and ¥30 for an hour’s board rental, but forgoing the additional ¥10 for a helmet, I post up with my bag of Asahi silvers, determined to get my buzz on and dive into the parks pools.
Funny thing about skateboards, they’re really hard to ride when you’re sh*tfaced, especially when you couldn’t in the first place. Degree of difficulty: 9.5. Enjoyment: 1.5. Too drunk even to balance on the moving plank, I hop in a cab for a ¥75 ride of shame to my final destination: The Shanghai Modern Military Sports Club.
A little too sober to exercise my Second Amendment rights, I drop into Windows Scoreboard for a few ¥15 Tigers. Vision blurry, I’m ready to handle deadly weapons. I happen to have my passport handy and, after a 10-second registration, I’m let loose, pistol in hand.
For ¥8 a bullet, I’m finally experiencing the drunken euphoria I’ve been searching for all day. What is it about violence that’s just so invigorating?
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So the right balance would seem to be 2 bullets every 1 Tiger. Noted.
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Just another embarrassing article in the search for legitimate journalism... keep looking guys, you might one day be able to discover the location of your arses without using both hands.
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The quality of the journalism doesn't seem to stop you from reading the article though, nor the rest of this site for that matter. Just another case of a person in search of a legitimate way to pass their time ... keep looking, one day you may be able to find a job, or at least one that will require you to do more than surf the Internet pulling mediocre comments out of your arse for your own enjoyment (I'm sure you can do that with only one hand though). That being said, the opening hours of SMP and the indoor ski center would make this an option for die-hard 9-5 alcoholics only, so not that useful for those hoping to find ways of breaking bones after a night out at the club ... which leaves fried_beef with a good point ... the only real suggestion here is the gun range and alcohol + guns = questionable judgment. Incidentally Dan, you probably should have added a disclaimer: No health insurance company would comp a bill for an injury that occurred while doing something stupid when drunk.
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Oh I'm sure the insurance provider would be OK if you just told them that you do whatever the internet tells you to.
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"The quality of the journalism doesn't seem to stop you from reading the article though, nor the rest of this site for that matter. Just another case of a person in search of a legitimate way to pass their time ... keep looking, one day you may be able to find a job, or at least one that will require you to do more than surf the Internet pulling mediocre comments out of your arse for your own enjoyment (I'm sure you can do that with only one hand though)." You ever driven past a car crash? A really, really terrible car crash where there's blood everywhere and it's pretty clear that someone has been seriously hurt, and there's half a car embedded in the hillside and people crying and beating their fists against their chests in a vain attempt to comprehend what has just happened? And you know that you just can't help slowing down to have a really good look at what horrific depths of pain and unhappiness the human condition can result in? That death is sometimes nothing more than a release, a throwing off of the horrors and agonies of life? Well, that's kind of what it's like for me, reading this bankrupt attempt at writing. You just can't help but shaking your head and taking a damn good look, however weak it makes you.
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So, Dan basically proves there is a whole bunch of "extreme sports" he can't do sober, let alone drunk. The indoor ski center is a bust, Shapiro can't skateboard, and by the time he makes it to the Military Sports Club, he is, "too sober to exercise his second amendment rights," which I take to mean he didn't fire a gun. Shapiro has proven where we shouldn't go if we feel like "Superman" after a night of drinking, and want to show the world we're invincible. Give us something, Shapiro. Swim across the Huangpu River from the Bund to the Pearl Tower ... without getting hit by a boat. Go streaking along the Yan'An elevated road — so everyone coming from the airport gets a good look. Commandeer a taxi cab and ghost ride the whip down Xi Zang Road by People's Square. Throw the ethics book of journalism out the window and go for broke.
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Sounds like he DID fire a gun "A little too sober to exercise my Second Amendment rights, I drop into Windows Scoreboard for a few ¥15 Tigers. Vision blurry, I’m ready to handle deadly weapons. I happen to have my passport handy and, after a 10-second registration, I’m let loose, pistol in hand. For ¥8 a bullet, I’m finally experiencing the drunken euphoria I’ve been searching for all day." He says he's initially too sober. Then drinks to try to solve the problem. Whatever a person's stance on guns are, drinking and using a lethal weapon is among the stupidest things that anyone can do anywhere- not to mention selfish and proving an alarming lack of concern for other people in the vicinity. If he was truly as inebriated as he brags about, he could easily have lost control of his gun, dropped it, or misfired. Not even remotely worth the risk.
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Here, here, Zachary! Let's have something wildly sensible but entertaining that doesn't encourage people to get drunk and shoot people! I would love it Dan if you and I could set off on a race round the city just using Skateboards, or perhaps try the old conman's lark of see how far you can get with a pound in your pocket and the clothes on your back. Those would be stories worth reading!
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Dan, I seriously enjoyed this article, as is the case with most other articles you write! Keep up the good work! And to all the critics - guys, honestly who would expect serious journalism from Cityweekend (please don't misunderstand this CW writers!) - it's an entertainment guide for Christ's f**kin' sake! It's supposed to inform you about entertainment in town or entertain you directly! I may be taking a guess here, but most of us readers (at least us fulltime employed expats) have busy and/or boring jobs so we don't go to Cityweekend to read about the state of world affairs, right?! Dan, rock on man! Next time I see you I'll buy you a beer! Cheers!
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one can rely on bean curd to be the voice of truth in the spicy soup of overreaction - thanks doufu!
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"And to all the critics - guys, honestly who would expect serious journalism from Cityweekend (please don't misunderstand this CW writers!) - it's an entertainment guide for Christ's f**kin' sake! It's supposed to inform you about entertainment in town or entertain you directly! I may be taking a guess here, but most of us readers (at least us fulltime employed expats) have busy and/or boring jobs so we don't go to Cityweekend to read about the state of world affairs, right?!" There's no such thing as journalism in a country where the government holds a tight rein over the media, there are only writers. So what is Cityweekend? Is it "just entertainment" if that's the case, why do people get riled up about it? Where does the line between entertainment and recklessness get drawn? Surely good sense has to have a hand to raise and say "stop" when things go overboard? More importantly, you're missing the point, doufu: This chap is giving the decent, hard-working, integrationist foreigners who actually make a positive and sensible contribution to this country a bad name by getting wasted and shooting things. Zammo, this is not an overreaction, if we were drunk driving and we killed someone, you'd surely condemn us. And rightly so. This kind of behaviour, hiding behind entertainment is just stupidity. Nothing more nothing less.
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last thursday a friend and another friend went shooting with live ammo up the Nanpu, fair do's they spent quite a bit on mind altering Columbian vine juice, but they went bananas, and it was the most exciting thing they've done yet. It was carnage with all the heron feathers stuck to them. I can't condone this, it was exactly this sort of mindless stupidity that earned me my wooden leg.
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zammo, nicely put man! i also agree with his doufu-ness! my two cents: 1) the weasel has established there is no journalism in china. why criticize it then? 2) this article sparked a lot of controversy (=good journalism?). dan for pulitzer?! 3) "decent, hard-working, integrationist foreigners who actually make a positive and sensible contribution to this country" - oh the good old "but i'm the good laowai" topic. that's a totally different topic i'm sure mr weasel has lots to say about. 4) he keeps bringing up drunk driving, maybe he lost someone dear to him. sorry for that. not an overreaction? 4 posts by you alone. don't wanna be there if you do overreact, it must be of biblical proportions. now hate me (= entertain us).
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so now you're telling the author not to publish this and in the same stroke of breath you quote voltaire's opinion on free speech?! again, your structure lacks logic. to the death? well i suggest a few rounds with the author then! rounds of beers and bullets ;-)
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Oh jeez, there's no point anymore. Here's an interesting film about donkeys: Did you enjoy that? Let's watch it again:
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If Dan got drunk, bought a gun and went shooting in the street, I think we'd all wrestle him to the ground. But who's he going to hurt in a shooting range, except possibly himself by shooting his foot off? Silly - certainly. Provocative - hopefully. Dangerous - not really. Where's the film about donkeys? That sounds great!
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It is absolutely beyond me how using deadly weapons while inebriated can be glorified. I am shocked and disgusted at the complete lack of judgement. How about you write a post on how "euphoric' it is to drive drunk? To operate heavy machinery while Robo-tripping? Idiot.