This year I will quit smoking, pay my taxes, stop cheating on my boyfriend, lose 10 lbs., work harder, use better judgment, show up on time and litter less. BUT before I become a f*cking saint, why not go out with a bang? The last day of the year is here and so are a million parties, dinners and a big badass list so you can weed through ‘em all quickly. I know, I know, we’re too good to you guys.

Celebrities are popping out of the woodwork all weekend. Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas is at G Plus, ABBA has flown in from 20 years ago and a few too many plastic surgeries, Lisa Lashes will spin us all into oblivion, and Kylie Minogue is even allegedly making an appearance. One excited fan tells us, “I hope to God she comes. Otherwise she’ll feel the wrath of the gays.”

On Thursday chill out and listen to some tunes. Up-and-coming Shanghainese band Mr. Graceless is on at Yuyintang and if you’re in the mood to lounge, Shiva’s getting its Groove on.

For those of you warming up your liver on Friday, why not head to the Happy Dash Rock Fun Dance Party at Lune? DJ B.O. will make sure you “Get your kicks. Shake a leg. Boogie your woogie. Put your hand on your hip and let your backbone slip. Shake your tail feather. Twist and shout. Shimmy. Smack your lips. Raise the roof. Pop and lock. Wiggle your middle. Jump back, spin around, and touch the ground. Do the ostrich, monkey, horsey, and fly.” If that isn’t a reason to get off the couch I don’t know what is.