Where to waste even more of your life this summer In the words of my prom date ("Already?"), it's that time of year when the ESL teachers start kneeling down to talk to their female students and the crowd at Attica starts doing their rails on the terrace rails. As annoying as this town can be, pre-summer in Shanghai makes it all worthwhile.

The first of two locales that should command everyone's warm-weather timeshare is The Shed. While it looks like a small office (it is) that serves cocktails (they don't), this hidden gem small office right near the entrance of the now annoying Taikang Lu boasts not only the best cheapest pies in town, but a large selection of cheap Aussie beer... and they just added an outhouse. The other place where you can convince yourself that you're actually happy in Shanghai is El Willy's siesta garden. I know, I know, you're sick of hearing about Willy--that'll last until you meet him and then you'll want to make him into a soup that you serve when it's raining. Tapas, sweet wine and the best godd*mn truffle sandwich you've ever had. You need one more? Midday coffee on the balcony at La Bella Cafe quickly turns into a nice glass of wine. There's something about the owner that makes us want to just give her all of our money anyway... might as well do it with a Shiraz in hand.

But venues, as we all know, simply aren't enough, so here are some things I'd like to see happen over the next few months. When you combine the enforced exodus of a large number of the musicians in town with the pretentiousness that we all acquire, it's only a matter of time before cover band hipsters start popping up. Let's say you're at Paulaner and the Filipino group inside breaks into their take on "Imagine" and you join them in the chorus when you see the tapered jeanster next to you scoffing and informing the table that he "used to see them at Blue Angel before they were big." It's bound to happen. And why not utilize this constant visa cluster f*ck to our advantage with a no holds barred battle-to-the-death Guitar Hero contest, with the winner receiving a six-month multiple entry visa. Anyone that can't strum "Surrender" on a glorified typing game shouldn't be allowed in anyway.

For those of us lucky (?) enough to stay around for a little while longer, I will say this--while all of the characters in Joseph Heller's Catch-22 went nuts, it at least made for a good read 20 years down the road.

Aric S. Queen