The laowai lexis for the New Year

As I walked down Shanxi Lu the other rainy day holding what I refer to as my "Shanghai Beauty Queen" stride (arms at a 90 degree angle while hands wave back and forth deflecting the points of umbrellas), I realized that with the Year of the Rat upon us, there should also come another collection of Shanghai terms. Write these down, you'll hear them used all over town. Seriously, this column is huge.

Michael [mahy-kuh] n–-A previously unknown nobody back home who, due to his obscure quasi-talent, becomes a well-known in Shanghai. Taken from the has beens never were Danish power-ballad group Michael Learns to Rock. Usage: "That Michael just handed me a card that said Actor / Model / Dancer."

B.O.G (Bund Only Girls) [bawg] n—The collective group of females whose every weekend must include these four of the following locations: Attica, Bar Rouge, Glamour Bar and Lounge 18. Usage: "… and those B.O.Gs wonder why we only sleep with local girls!"

PuJersey [poo-jur-zee] n–Name for the less-desirable former marshland across from The Bund filled with weird people. Name taken from the other less desirable former marshland with weird people on the East Coast of the U.S. Usage: "Good luck getting those B.O.G.s over to PuJersey!"

Facelooked [feys-lookd] v—The sudden paranoid panic one experiences when actually seeing the person whose social networking pictures he’s been printing out and touching himself to for the past month. Usage: "See that guy who just Facelooked me? He's wondering if I have that application that tells me who views my pictures and how often."

Desperate Whoreswave [des-per-it hohrz-weyv] n—The enthusiastic collective attention-getting greeting of Tongren Lu ladies that draws so much attention from the would-be John that he has a moment of clarity and decides against going in. Usage: "As much as I love the pool tables at Blue Angel, the Desperate Whoreswave when I walk up makes me think people are watching."

10,000 Kuai Millionaire [ten thou-zuhnd kwi mil-yuh-nair] n—Phenomenon of what happens to a European upon his first three months of disposable income. While only making the equivalent of US$1,400, the newfound opportunity to buy a bottle of champagne for a newfound table of friends precedes that of paying his parents back. Usage: "So, we lucked out last night as this 10,000 Kuai Millionaire bought us drinks all night claiming this was 'his town.'"

... Trust me when I say these are soon going to be part of the local vernacular—I'm in podcasting, damnit, I know what's cool.

Aric Queen